AnaK KeciL

2009-09-14T03:12:00.000+08:00

ma..
i'm sorry ma..
i need time..
i need space..
i love all of u..

AnaK KeciL

2009-09-10T00:42:00.002+08:00

hey people..
been long time i've not update my blog..
i dont know if u guys do read this blog..

i don't know if i can last long enough to feel for Syawal..
went to hospital today..
Dr. Yup have the worse news that i've never want to hear..
Its spreading..
to my tummy n leg..
that's the reason of me keep vomitting and nose bleed n numbness at my leg..
all this while i tot its just the med(s) side effect..
how long more do i can stand n walk??..
do i have to sit at d wheelchair one day??..
how long more do i can open my eyes n see the world??..

i can't tell these to mum..
sis have to keep these with me..
when the time comes,
mum,
i promise i'll let u know everything..

there's too many things i kept from mum..
i wish i have time to tell everything to you,mum..
mum,if i go before u,i want u to know..
you're the best mum ever..
no one can take ur place in my heart..
i know that i always answer u back to u,mum..
but i didnt mean to..
and if i lied i didnt mean to..
mum..
u're my life..
i'm sori if one day u have to take care of me like a small kid..
clean me up, feed me and stay awke for me..

to my fwens..
some might know what i mean..
some might just go for ur wild guess..
what eva u guys think of,
just remember..
everyone of u have a place in my heart..
and no one can replace every each one of u in my heart..

to Erni..
Love..u have been the most loving person that i've eva know..
im sori..
i know all the nasty word been used to you..
you guide me all the way here..
you change my mind set..
u make the path for me to change..
i'm going of soon enough before we can really fulfil our dream..
eating durian..
s'pore flyer at nite..
and even solat jema'a..
Love..
u change my world lots more..
u and ur family..
a big thank u..
and Love..
I Love You

Fatin..
Syg..i told u i cant wait any longer..
i'm sori syg..
it's all abt this syg..
it's not because i cant wait for ur sms ur chat..
u change my path to syg..
for 7 years i never miss a day saying how much i love u..
u mean a whole world to me once..
syg..be happy woth ur life syg..
and syg..
I Love You

Miss Nur Janna
Dear..i cant stop saying how much i miss u..
how much i really do miss u i don even know..
we almost get along together..
u went to U n i've been left behind alone..
i understand that u're busy..
but dear..
until now,not even a single day i forget abt u..
the places we go..
and how mush close we get..
even people scared to go against u..
coz u're near to me..
and Dear..
I Miss You Lots More Than You Know

iLa..
iLa..ciL mohon maaf..
banyak salah ciL pat iLa..
iLa..
ciL tak pernah ucap syg pat iLa..
tapi ciL syg iLa..
kalo di izinkan,
ciL nak ucapkan syg pat iLa..
sebenarnya ciL ngn Erni takde pape..
dia dah ada yg punya..
kita cuma rapat jek iLa..
ckp ngan aLong ngn yg lain yg ciL kirim salam..
mungkin ciL akan ikot Kid..
iLa..
biLa iLa balik jumpa ciL tau..
ciL rindu sangat dgn iLa..
iLa..
akan aku ucapkan Sayang bila tiba masanya..

these people change my life..
may Allah make them happy in life..

AnaK KeciL

2009-07-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

life not like before..
can only smile now..
even it's hurt..
even it's anger..
smile is all i can do now..

i know You won't read my Blog for now..
so just let me express out everything..
i don't like wat ever to do with ur Love Life..
when u're with me,
i want u only to be with me..
but wat choice i have??....
i can only pretend not to care..
coz i know if i blust we gonna quarrel..
and i'm too tired for all that..

well i've show u everthing..
and i've do anything to make u know tt i reall love u..
it's just the matter of u can see the love im showing or not..
Love is never been said anymore..
wats more the word "Miss"..
just forget it....

i hope n praying hard..
My Love for You remains till end of no time..

Salam

AnaK KeciL

2009-07-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

i'm here having tears of sadness
and there u are
having tears of joy

how unfair world is between us

-AnaK KeciL-

2009-07-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

LOVE..
YOU'RE AIN'T BEING FAIR..
GOODBYE, LOVE..

AnaK KeciL

2009-06-29T22:38:00.004+08:00

You asked me to go home fast so we can online together..
But where are you now??..
i've tried calling you and your mum,
but no respond..
where are you??!!
what happen down there??!!
how i wish i don't go home that fast....
can u please respond to my calls......
please....
i don't like to be this worry..
please get back to me!!
please....

AnaK KeciL

ur mum pick up my call..
saying that u're out..
where are you??..
why u're out w/o telling me??..
where did you go??..
please be back safe please....
i shouldn't have left that early!!
if anything happen to you,
i'll not forgive myself..

YA ALLAH..
AKU BERMOHON PADAMU..
BERI TAHU DIA YA ALLAH YANG AKU SEDANG MENCARI NYA..
YA ALLAH..
BANTULAH AKU YA ALLAH..

AnaK KeciL

2009-06-29T22:31:00.003+08:00

2009-06-21T22:03:00.007+08:00

Just a random post..

Ya Allah..
ini berita yang ketiga aku mendengar tentang kematian minggu ini..
tempat kan lah meraka di tempat yang aman
dan tempat manusia yang soleh dan soleha..
Amin..

Did this poet few mintues ago..
This is what life is for me now..
i'm just gonna life for today
and think of tomorrow when i'm awake from sleep..
Happy reading..

Tiada kata dapat aku lafazkan
Demi keindahan yang telah kau berikan
Tiada apa dapat ku ukirkan
Demi kedukaan yang telah kau hilangkan

Kini kau lah bunga ditaman hati
Dan menyinari setiap saat setiap hari
Kau menguasi emosi ini
Kau selalu di minda dan di hati

Walau ia semuanya hanya hayalan
Ia tetap indah walau hakikatnya tidak dapat ku telan
Biar senyum dan tawa aku ukirkan
Dengan peritan dalam setiap pejalanan

Suatu saat nanti,
Aku akan ditinggal pergi,
Saat itu hanya mampu aku tangisi
Terhiris kembali hati yang sudah kau ubati

Walau masa itu akan tiba,
Aku tidak akan terus memikirkan hanya
Aku tidak akan menjadi hiba
InsyaAllah aku akan sedia mengharunginya

AnaK KeciL

2009-06-19T17:57:00.002+08:00

the more i go tru it,
the weaker i go..

may Allah guide me tru..
with strength tat i need..

with you by my side,
i'm sure things will just goes well..

with the smile tat i've always hunt for,
i'll always stay happy as long as i could..

AnaK KeciL

2009-05-02T22:01:00.002+08:00

i asked my friend to get your e-mail address..
from there,
we start to chat..
from there,
we start to chat..
from there,
we exchange our hp numbers,
from there,
i start to love you..

than i start to ask you out..
singapore flyer was the 1st place we date..
there, i share about me and my family..
about how i live my life..
about who i am..
from there,
my love grows......

i get to know something that you really want..
i'm trying my best to get track about you having it or not..
comes your birthday,
10th October 2008....
final question..
i ask u if u already have that something..
you said no..
so i bought it for you..
even i lied to you about the thing,
about me having it and wanting to share with you,
it's just a way for me to know..

13th October 2008..
i give you that something..
and you are so happy to have it..
and that thing is BUKU NOVEL "Ayat-ayat Cinta"..
i really thank ALLAH that you like it..
Alhadulilah..

from there,
we get really close..
and i love you deep deeply..

but things happen..
things that are bad..
and it cause by me..
i'm to be blame for everything..
i loose you....
i'm alone....
searching for a better path....

but you come back to my life..
i can never and will never let you walk off anymore..
never..
and will never try..
cause i love you so much..
so much till i don't care about the pain and hurts
that i had before and the hurts that waiting for me....
i don't care..
cause i love you Sayang..
yes..
i Love you..

Check out: 2231hr

AnaK KeciL

2009-04-28T17:39:00.002+08:00

i really hope u read this post..

how i really wish my mind n my heart could talk to you..
tell you how i feel when u hurt me..
tell you what i actually want..
tell you who actually i am..
so you can easily understand me and will never hurt me anymore..

i just want to smile and be happy like how others and you are now..
but why is it just so hard for me to feel that happiness that i've long searching for??!!
what's my mistake??..
why am i been treat like this??!!
why can't you just simply understand me??..
WHY WHY WHY!!!!

all i need now is your love..
you to understand me..

you want me to trust you..
and times i've said i'll try..
but you keep saying that i'm not..

LET ME TELL ALL OF YOU THIS,
I'LL NEVER AND NEVER EVER TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE.
can you see tt fullstop??..
my trust for people stops there....

i had enough of being sick everytime..
you know that i'm sick yet you still do all this to me..

FINE!!
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN KEEPING FROM YOU??!!
LET ME TELL YOU THIS....
MY TIME IS NOT LONG.
that is what i've been keeping from you..

and i'll never know when the last time i could ever feel your love..

and again i'll say it here..
what i want is just your love and you to understand me..
i'll never ask for anything else....

how i lead my life now is not like how i use to live it....
i've to plan my day every single day....
just to make sure i spend this time of mine to the fullest..

life is short..
in did it is short..
i'm only 20 now....
i'm praying hard thats not the dot of my life journey..
praying hard mericals will happen....

everynight only tears roll down my cheeck....

that's all for now..

check out: 1756hrs

AnaK KeciL

2009-04-16T00:27:00.003+08:00

hi people..
i know that i've not update for a long time..
more to songs..
coz these songs tell the stories..
and how i feel..

i don't know what's happening to me..
my health condition..
from good to bad..
and now bad to worse..

medication after medication..
get sick and tired of eating them..
as if i depent on the medication to stay alive..

not all knows what's my condition..
what i can say now is that;
"i feel that i'm using someone else's body"
HATE this feeling..

i can't do much work with this pain..
what i can do i just pretend..
pretend nothing happen..
and just put on my smiles like always..

what making me smile now??
or who making me smile now??
the girls that i used to contact before and family..
and now they are back in my life..
i'm not using them..
it's just that i LOST their contact when i reset my HP..
and i don't online to chat coz of attachments..

i made some new fwenz..
someone who use to be a passer by....
but now is my fwen..
ahaha....
i'm standing high now..
like 6months before..

so people..
that is it..
life is short..
do as much as u can..
and i've learn..
I NEVER TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE!!
NEVER ASK ME TO!!
coz i won't..

AnaK KeciL

2009-04-06T21:31:00.002+08:00

2 songs to indicate how my life is now..

1st song is how i feel, 2nd song is how i lead my life now..

1st:
Babyface - The Loneliness

[Verse 1]
Im sitting here
Thinking bout
How im gon-na do without
You around in my life and how am I
I gon' get by I ain't got no days
Just lonely nights
You want the truth
Well girl im not alright
Feel out of place and out of time
I think im gonna lose my mind

[Chorus]
So tell me how you feel (im lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (i think of you)
Baby still (are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (like i dream of you all the time)
So let me tell you how it feels (its like everyday i die)
Wish i was dreaming but its real (when i open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that i will never love again

[Verse 2]
I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss the arguments
That we would have from time to time
I miss you standing by my side
I'm dying here its clear to see
There ain't no you,
God knows there ain't no me
Don't wanna live,
I wanna die
If I cant have you in my life

[Chorus (repeat till end)]

2nd:
Marc Anthony - When I Dream At Night

I have been in love and been alone
I have traveled over many miles to find a home
There's that little place inside of me
That I never thought could take control of everything
But now I just spend all my time with anyone
Who makes me feel the way she does

CHORUS: 'Cause I only feel alive
When I dream at night
Even though she's not real it's all right
'Cause I only feel alive
When I dream at night
Every move that she makes holds my eyes
And I fall for her everytime

I've so many things I want to say
I'll be ready when the perfect moment comes my way
I had never known what's right for me
Till the night she opened up my heart and set it free
But now I just spend all my time with anyone
Who makes me feel the way she does

REPEAT CHORUS
Now I just spend all my time with anyone
Who makes me feel the way she does
REPEAT CHORUS

AnaK Kecil

2009-03-29T11:57:00.004+08:00

Kini Kau Kesali
(by: Naughty and Ae)

Sekian lama
Aku menyendiri
Tanpa kasih sayang
Dari kau kekasih....
Luka yang lama
Darah tetap mengalir
Bila aku kenangkan
Saat kau berpaling...
* Kenangan yg dulu menghantui jiwa ku
Menyebal kan seluruh pancaindera ku
Yg ku mampu menawar cinta
Kau inginkan kebendaan...
Masa telah berlalu
Engkau ingin kembali
Dengan satu ucapan
Kini engkau kesali...
Hati yang mana
Bisa kan menerima
Cinta yang telah musnah
Suatu masa ketika...
Maaf Sayang ku bukannya satu
Boneka yang kau simpan
Selamat tinggal ku ucapkan
Buat kenangan yang kau cipta...

AnaK KeciL

2009-03-22T20:43:00.003+08:00

Enrique Iglesias
Tired Of Being Sorry lyrics

I don't know why
You want to follow me tonight
When in the rest of the world
With you whom I've crossed and I've quarreled
Let's me down so
For a thousand reasons that I know
To share forever the unrest
With all the demons I possess
Beneath the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
8th and ocean drive
With all the vampires and their brides
We're all bloodless and blind
And longing for a life
Beyond the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon

So far away - so outer space
I've trashed myself - I've lost my way
I've got to get to you got to get to you

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon
(lalalala [till end])

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me

But the silver moon.

AnaK KeciL

2009-03-17T00:05:00.002+08:00

now i am at cambodia..
it's result time now..
but i'm kind of sad..
not because of my result but coz of u Sayang..

Where are you when i need you Sayang??..
every single time when i really need u,
u never be there..
is it just so hard to be online n chat ewith me??!!
tak guna cakap..
nanti jadi gado kan??..

i need u..
pls..
i'll be online tmr..
be online and stay with me pls..
i need u..
and i wanna tell u tt
I LOVE YOU Sayang..

AnaK KeciL

2009-02-28T12:10:00.002+08:00

I've been around Jurong since 8am..
just can't understand why things happen now,
this time, the time when I'm going to fly off soon..
I'm confuse with everything..
I don't know how to feel..
everything just seem to be wrong..
feel numb..
sometimes I'm sad,
at times i'm angry,
and I just can't see myself smiling..

Ya ALLAH..
hanya padamu aku mampu bermohon..
betulkanlah segalah yang salah..
selesaikanlah segalah yang tergantung..
aku tahu silapku,
aku ingin berubah seperti mana si dia minta..
bantulah aku Ya ALLAH..
apa pun yang dia inginkan aku akan cuba..
Kerana dirinya yang aku amat sayang kini..
apa sebenarnya yang dirinya inginkan dariku??
aku keliru,
amat keliru..
cekalkan hatiku Ya ALLAH..

AnaK KeciL

2009-01-18T16:27:00.002+08:00

Kini kita harus berjauhan..
Aku hanya mampu menatap wajahmu dari lama web..
Kita bersua muka hanya setiap hari Sabtu..
Dan hanya setiap malam aku mampu mendengar suaramu..

Kerinduan makin terasa di hati..
Sayangku untuk mu makin mendalam,
hingga tidak mampu ia hilang..
Tetapi tiada yang mampu fahami..

Mengapa kita harus harungi semua ini??..
Sedangkan aku tidak mampu berjauhan denganmu sebergini??..
Adakah ini dugaan bagi kita untuk menggukuhkan jalinan ini,
atau ia untuk menjauhkan kita??

Biarkan ia menjadi tanda tanya..
Biarlah ia terjawab sendirinya bila semua telah sudah..
Aku berserah pada-Nya..
Kalau ditentukan kita bersama, aku bersyukur..
Kalau ia sebaliknya,aku redha..

Hanya satu yang aku ingin kau tahu..
SESUNGGUHNYA AKU MENYAYANGIMU, SAYANGKU..

AnaK KeciL

2009-01-16T20:05:00.004+08:00

One more hour you will be out from your ward..
I hope you like this surprise..
no matter how long I've to wait for you,
I'm here til you're by my side..
I can't wait for tomorrow it's too late..
so I'm here going home with you..
I can see your big smile when u saw me sitting beside you..
I love you, Sayang..
love you too much til I miss u so much..
this is the stupid thing that I told you that I'm going to do
and it makes u worry..
I hope this isn't too much..
I just miss you so much, Sayang..

AnaK KeciL

2008-12-31T20:10:00.003+08:00

well..
it's been a long time that i've never update this blog..
LIFE been super good....
i'm happy as what i am now..
every moment with You is the most
wonderful thing that happen in my life..
you make every dream of mine came true..
i never wish to see you out of my life..
no more please....
no more hurts....
keep your every words that you've said to me..
i need you now..every sec as long as my heart beats..
i need you to lead it with me..
hold me like you've always did..
kiss me like you've never did to others..
be by me all the time..

this year is coming to an end soon..
i've nothing to Aim for this coming year..
i just want us to be like we've always did..
and stay hapy or be more happier....
lets us go through all the hard time together..
what ever happen in your life that hurts,
i'll try my best to ease it away from you like u've always did to me..

please..
never leave me..
never let my past repeat..
never let me go even if i want to..
forgive me if i hurt you, 'cause i never meant to..
i love u, Sayang..
bie will always love you, Ayang..
will always, even it hurts..insyaAllah....

AnaK KeciL

2008-12-22T22:47:00.005+08:00

A post that i did specially for u...

I want to tell u...
She is not peah, hasanah or shak. He's not ayah either.
But she's someone who passed by my life and made an impact on my life.
Not a big impact, though.
She's just a girl, a girl whom I have known for several months.
An arrogant, smile-less bitch who turned out to be someone I respect
and one who brings joy and laughter into my life just like hasanah, peah and shak. & ayah.
Someone who I used to hate so much before I even know the real her...
Now, I'm still lucky to still have her as my friend or 'sister'. Someone who knows how I feel.
Be it happy or restless, she knows how to make me laugh. She was never stingy. Always generous.
She'd do anything to keep people around her happy, and that's what makes her special.

When the times I needed a cloth to polish my boots,
she never hesitate to tear and share it with me.
When marching in for any events, be it NDP or CLT POP course,
she always had the, " all the best...''
When the times are bad for me, bad enough,
she's always there. In my handphone, thru my contact list.
When asked to lepak, never hesitate to join us,
even though she knew that our place is on the other side of her place.
When she needs to express herself,
her creative and intelligent poems are there to structure her pains and sadness.

BUT....
there's one thing that she doesnt do,
even if its for us...
To take a picture with her and to take a picture of her.
That is it. Oh...&
when things get wrong or doesnt go in her ways,
she'll not talk. That would make me feel bad. That is it.

She always have her cap on. With that thick, black colour and the word Prada engraved she had on her specs,
that's her that would never change. I'm thankful that I met these great ppl
in my life. She has now joined the gang of my lovable friends.
Hasanah, Peah, Shak and her. oh & ayah.
They are the best ppl among everyone else in my life.

This post I did was especially meant for her...
Peah, hasanah and shak.
You guys still rock! You all rock my life. :)

Ummairah. :)

2008-12-02T15:41:00.005+08:00

Alhamdulilah..
i'm having a good life now..
a life that i've always wanted to have..
a person that completes my life,
always make smile and happy even in the moment of hurts..

i've never thought nor i ever dare to dream..
to have you as someone special in my life..
and i never dream to be as happy as now..

someone wrote something in my Green notebook..
and she's someone who i could say i respect as a leader..
she wrote these in my notebook
" Life is too short for unhappiness or regrets. Unfortunate happenings are unevitable. But what's important is how you face those challenges when they come. Don't falted. Don't give up. "
i should give a BIG Thanks to her..
those words meant a lot to me..
i woke up everyday hoping and praying hard that it's a good day..
and i start my day with a smile full of happiness..

day by day life is full of meaning..
i never want these happiness to fade off..
i'm loving you more and more each day....
i love you..
and yes i will always do..

AnaK KeciL

2008-11-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

kini kau adalah kehidupan ku..
siapa kau kini tidak perna ku impikan..
tiap kali ku fikirkan tentang kita,
sesungguhnya aku rasa bagai dalam mimpi..

watakmu yang lembut,
senyumanmu yang manis,
tawamu yang lawak,
membuat aku lebih tertawan..

berkali ku ulangkan..
aku takut kau akan pergi bila rasiah di buka..
dengan sabar dan tenang,
berkali kau katakan
"Jangan sama kan i dengan orang lain."

hingga suatu masa,
kau lepaskan tangisan..
pada malam itu,
sesungguhnya aku sangka itu perbualan yang terakhir..

kau genggam tanganku erat..
hati yang membara terus menjadi sejuk..
kau bagai air yang mengorbankan diri untuk
memadamkan api yang nyala....

walaupun kata ku setajam pisau,
hanya tangisan yang kau beri..
ketabahanmu membuat ku terus terpikir..
dan kini aku berjanji untuk tidak keluarkan kata-kata itu..

terlalu banyak yang terjadi..
biar ia menjadi rasiah kita..
di sini aku katakan aku sayang..
senyumanmu yang aku ingin miliki..

AnaK KeciL

2008-11-13T16:04:00.008+08:00

i'm changing blogskin soon..
real soon..
with more colours i guess..
life been good now..
love it..

now things between us is back as normal,
i don't want u to drop anymore tears for me..
i don't deserve them..
the way u hold me when i'm angry,
cools me down in a sudden and make me think of my action..
i don't know why i say love to you..
it's so hard for me to say that to others..
and for my life,
only to my Sayang i've said that..
and now,
it's u i let out my love..
no matter what i've done to you,
you take it and still treat me good..
i know i've hurt u in many ways..
and the most hurt your feeling every night we talk on phone..
u stay by me when i'm down..
u don't care what others think of us..
u just want me be me,
and u be u,
and us be us...
Thanks for being what u are now in my life..
Orang Sayang Dia..

it's been a year we've known each other,
and it's been 1month our love starts..

AnaK KeciL

2008-11-09T22:03:00.000+08:00

I'M

LOVE

WITH

E.S.D

AnaK KeciL

2008-11-05T00:17:00.005+08:00

I'M NOT SURE IF I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU..
I'M NOT SURE I'M READY TO SAY I LOVE..
I'M NOT SURE WHY WE BEEN TOO CLOSE LATELY..
I'VE NO IDEA....
I'M STILL UNSURE....
WHAT I KNOW,
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU..
HAVE I FOUND MY NEW HAPPINESS????
AM I IN LOVE??..

SENYUMANMU, TAWAMU, MANJAMU..
CUKUP UNTUK MENAWANKU..
CARAMU MELAYANIKU..
KAU MEMBUATKU SENYUM SETIAP MASA..
KATA-KATA INDAHMU..
KAU ADALAH KEBAHAGIAAN..

AnaK KeciL

2008-11-01T13:32:00.007+08:00

i'm tired of this..
totally i am..
i'm scared..
i'm scared that you going to walf off..
i'm scared that you going to take steps back..
but what you said made my mind full of questions..

some people in the lecture theater do talk about us..
you knew nuts until i told you about it..
because this involve you and i don't
want you to think otherwise if you get to know from others..
and thanks to Sayang because Sayang ask me to voice out..
i never expect you gonna say "Just say we got status if they ask you"
and when i say i won't because we have no status,
you say "Ask him to ask me if he want to know"
i'm surprise....
i'm totally surprise....
you ask me to ignore..
and you ask me to say this "Why, you jealous i sit beside her ah?"
if he ask me why i sit beside you....
your totally different from what i think of you all this while..

now that my life been a good and happy one,
i want to live this time to the fullest..
i don't want u to go..
and i don't want to do things that can make our friendship fade..
i'll not back home late..
i'll make sure i tell u where ever i go..

my happiness starts on the 10th October 2008..
i'll never forget that day and that date..
it's just too happy for me..

yesterday,
i went to NYP SO '08..
they play well..
it's very nice....
and i'm proud to see my frind enjoying herself up on the stage..
saw others bring flower for the others..
i got nothing for my friend..
what's in my pocket i only 2packet of tissue paper..
so i decide to make 12 roses of of them..
n i'm glad that she love it....
thank God..
seeing her smile at that moment is the nicest thing....
and another history of my life..

that's all people..
i'm leading a happy life now..
but behind this happiness,
i'm sure that hurts is waiting......
take care all..

AnaK KeciL

2008-10-30T22:48:00.003+08:00

i guess i've to make myself clear to others..
i've been hearing things that i never want to hear..
and it happen in school,
in my blog,
and in my friendster....

i'm NOT a L....
please la..
doesn't mean i say "SHE or HER",
means i'm a L....
WHAT THE F U C K AH..
for in school,
doesn't mean i sit at the back with a lady,
i'm a L....
she just a new friend that i wanna know closer..
is that a big F U C K ING deal??..
i've my own right where i wanna sit....
and my wearing??!!
HELL ah....
i prefer to wear wat i've been wearing all this while....
please ah..
stop your nonsenses..
you guys know who you are....
i've been hearing all these since
the day i take my step to sit beside my new friend..
and please..
don't involve her in ur story making can??
she know nuts about all these....
ONCE AGAIN....
PLEASE STOP ASSUME THINGS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW..

AnaK KeciL

2008-10-26T20:34:00.002+08:00

life been good now..
happiness is what i've been finding all my life..
now that i'm having all the happiness that i've always wanted,
i just feel so free....

these happiness came from two people..

people who knows who is my Sayang,
will know how much love i have for this person..
even things ain't like before,
i know one still care for me just like before..
n i've always been waiting for 14 dec..
will 14 dec 2008 be confrim??....
i don't care..
because i'm too use to last min changes......

having knowing this other person,
is something that i've never expect..
even now my life is control by one,
i can sense the love and care..
i'm not sure if i've fall for one..
even if i did,
i will never dare to say it out..
because being one friend is more than enough..
i'll treasure YOU..
i'll treasure our friendship....

now i'm reading a novel..
DAMAGED by Cathy Glass..
What a pity 8 year old girl..
damaged by her parents....

that's all for my post..
take care people..
bubye..

AnaK KeciL

2008-10-12T22:17:00.009+08:00

aLoooo aLL..
alright..
this post,
will be an happy post..
why it's happy,
i'll tell u about it later on..
but actually it should be posted on the 10th October 08 itself..
but who cares..

1st
it's start with my dear EDS..
it's her birthday..
i got for her a malay novel that she wants ah..
"Ayat-ayat Cinta"
she reply my wishes msg and that include as a wake up call..
for what??
to go to school to buy books..

2nd
then head to school..
on the way to school,
msg with my sayang..
because i have a seat on her fav red seat in the train..
ok lame..

3rd
reach school..
meet with my friends after 1month of not seeing each other..
seriously i miss them..
then we out to Causeway Point..
shop shop shop..
hehehehe..

4th
during shop,
i dare myself to msg My Love..
we've been silence for few days..
guess what??!!
My Love reply la sey!!!!
and that particular moment,
no one can stop me from smiling....

5th
reach home..
on lappy..
sign in at MSN..
guess who tag me??!!
my dear miss nur janna..
u know what,
it makes me smile more wider!!

6th
during MSN-ing,
sayang msg me..
and guess what??!!
YES!!
last min plan,
we meet up and had our so call lunch..
and i follow her shop..
where??
IMM and Causeway Point again..
and this 6th event i can never forget..
i whisper to sayang ear "I LOVE YOU"
if only u guys can see sayang's face..
then sent sayang to j.p to meet her friends..

head home..
aaaahhhh......
how i wish it's my everyday life..
adoiiiiii....
i'm loving every moment on that 10th October 2008..
for now,
i'm hoping..
and it's with high hope..
that Sayang able to make it on 14th dec 2008..

that's all for this post people..
thanks lots..
should i change my blogskin??..
i should say yes can??..
well someone already do add colours in my life..

Sayang..
walau kau suda mempunyai,
hati ini masih menyayabngi..
kata-kata ku ikhlas dari hati..
aku menyayangimu....
kekalkan persahabatan ini agar
aku tetap dapat melihatmu..
dapat mendakapmu..
dapat memegangmu dengan erat..
dapat mendengarmu..
dapat menyayangimu..
aku terlalu menyayangimu..

AnaK KeciL

2008-10-08T20:56:00.002+08:00

people post about their raya..
and when it comes to their birthday,
they update how good it is..
but for me......

should i cry now??..
cause i feel like it....
what i got for my birthday??..
hurts and silence by YOU!!
the one who i think that can make me smile..
that make me happy..
and always be my happiness......
but hack!!
i don't know where lies my mistake..
you kept silence in sudden....
and it's on 7th October 2008 you did it!!
and it's my birthday!!
and YOU,
the one i call DEAR,
don't even know it's my birthday....

mulut mu manis bak madu..
tapi hakikatnya ia hempedu yang merancuni ku!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-10-06T12:30:00.002+08:00

MY LIFE been MESS-UP by ME..
yes..
ME, MYSELF!!
HATE IT!!

for a moment,
i know what i'm doing and the reason behind it..
and next moment,
i'm asking myself what the HELL i'm doing..
i'm not doing any good to myself or to others..
i hate it..
really do hate it!!

i miss my childhood life..
where they(late grandma, grandpa, dad, mum, sis, bro)
pamper me..
no one scolds me except for mum..
from the stories i heard,
i never ask for things that i want..
i only sit one side playing with my soft toy..
but now,
things change....
all totally change..
but i guess not asking for things and playing with soft toy still remain the same..
i've learn to stand on my own feet..
find my own way to get things i want..
i don't have soft toy now..
but i do have my guitar and lappy to play with..

now..
this very second,
i'm hoping..
hoping that my life do change and it leads the way how i want it to be..
i'm having someone that i hope could add colours to my life..
create smiles on my lips..
loving me with endless love..
i like You....
i really do like u..

that's all for this post people..
smile always..
i'm trying to change back to me..
slowly la sey!!
peace....

AnaK KeciL

2008-09-30T21:41:00.003+08:00

kedengaran suara takbir..
hati sayu mengenangkan mereka..
insan yang aku ingin di sisi ketika sepi..

mereka pergi..
jauh sekali....
mereka tidak akan kembali..
hanya tangisan dapat menemani kini..

ramadhan kali ini tidak dapat aku lakukan dengan sempurna..
terlalu banyak yang aku lalui..
terlalu banyak aku pelajari..
aku yakin apa yang berlaku ada hikmah disebaliknya..

AKU RINDU NENEK!!
NENEK!! SAYA RINDU!!
hanya kenangan dan tangisan dapat menemani kini..

dear..you're my new life..
you're my happiness now..
stay with me until the end dear..
finally today i got a kiss from YOU!!

NEW ME!! NEW LIFE!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-09-27T12:05:00.003+08:00

finally....
i'm home..
yup FINALLY..

well..
to my dear,
i'm sorry about yesterday ya dear..
1st- batt flat can't sms
2nd- late can't meet
3rd- didn't call u and talk
sorry dear..
jangan la mrajok lama-lama..
tak terlarat saya nak pujok....

to my 2 dear cadets..
thanks for the day, yesterday..
thanks for everything..
well,
i do smile n laugh right??..
wakak!!
go find who's my dear name la ye..
when you've found the name,
tell me orite????....
i'll not tell u guys horr..
pi jao2 pi cari nama dia ya....

have to teach later..
after teach,
going out again....
yea2..
going out..
going out with...............
my family!!
yesh2..
my family.......................

okok..
tt's all for my post today..
taking care..
ciaozzzz..

*i'm a happy person even w/o u*

AnaK KeciL

2008-09-21T00:44:00.005+08:00

life..
life....
life......
life........
sianzz......
tot it will be better after days goes by..
but hack!!
it just the same and i guess getting worse..
just can't throw away what i've been picking up lately..
OOooo SHUT UP!!
i know i've said i'll stop....
it takes time ok..

since i've walk off,
ONE have never find me..
nope..
not even one msg..
not even MSN..
it's me who start all over again..
or should i just stop n run??..
this shows that whatever i've said is true..
OOO MAN!!
if only there's another YOU........

i've found someone new..
sweet and nice..
we just get to know each other for two weeks..
what is two weeks compare with 6 years??!!
hack..
Someone new..
too dearly to me..
SMS each other everyday..
but Someone new don't know who actually i am..
should things just go slow??..
or should i tell who actually i am now n risk of losing Someone new??..
i've tried to talk about it..
but convo just stop as if Someone new doesn't wanna care..
or there's something behind it??..
i've give clues..
but it just doesn't works..
i'll try to make things better for us in 2 weeks time..
give me a chance to get to know u closer..

IF ONLY THERE IS ANOTHER YOU SAYANG!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-09-18T02:19:00.003+08:00

i
think,
i'm
in
love
with
someone
that
i
just
get
to
know!!

this person have yet to know the real me..
well, 1st step taken....
SWEETIE, I THINK I'VE FALL FOR YOU..

Fatin sudah mempunyai insan yang amat disayangi kini..
aku sudah tidak dipedulikan lagi..
mungkin benar firasat hati..
Jam tangan hijau yang sudah tidak berfungsi,
bermakna semua sudah berakhir..
kini aku mula menyayangi insan yang lain..
walau baru berkenalan,
hati sudah berpaut..
kata dan gerak gerinya,
aduhhhh....
manja ya amat....
dia tidak mengetahui ini semua..
akankah aku diberi peluang untuk menyayanginya seperti aku menyayangi Fatin??..
atau kekecewaan yang akan menanti diriku??..

AnaK KeciL

2008-09-15T18:36:00.004+08:00

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wanna shout my lungs out!!!!
can i??!!??!!??!!
why can't even a single one of u understand what i'm going through now??!!
u guys think i want to lead my life this way??!!
can u people use ur own big brain and think now i feel when u guys said that i do all this on purpose??!!
looks like none,
none of u people,
people that is important to my life,
understand who actually i am!!
PERGI MAMPOS AH!!!!
INGAT AKU SUKA-SUKA PE??!!
PIKI AKU MAIN-MAIN PE??!!
MEMANG AKU DA JANJI DENGAN RAMAI ORANG!!
SO??
BIG DEAL??!!
INGAT SIKIT AH!!
AKU PON ADA PERASAAN AH!!
AKU TAU APA AKU BUAT!!
when i say i'll change to me back,
the common words that i got is
"suit urslf..it's ur life.."
what the hell..
if u know it's my life,
then why the hack u care to talk about this to me at the first place??!!
when i ask u to F.U.C.K O.F.F,
say i'm too hush,
say i'm bad,
say i think of myself..
please ah....
i've my problemS to think of..
any smoking,out at night,go to pub,being the old me,
being CHILL not CIL,
makes me feel good..
YES!!
MAKE ME FEEL GOOD!!
and i never say i'm proud of it..
i makes me think with my bloody brain rather than using my emotion to think..
HATE ME??!!
by all means ah....
i just need time....
that is all i'm asking for..
give me time till end of raya..
i'll change..
change to the me that u guys love..
please..
i'm begging all..
let me fly free for now..

Fatin sudah mempunyai insan yang amat disayangi kini..
aku sudah tidak dipedulikan lagi..
mungkin benar firasat hati..
Jam tangan hijau yang sudah tidak berfungsi,
bermakna semua sudah berakhir..
kini aku mula menyayangi insan yang lain..
walau baru berkenalan,
hati sudah berpaut..
kata dan gerak gerinya,
aduhhhh....
manja ya amat....
dia tidak mengetahui ini semua..
akankah aku diberi peluang untuk menyayanginya seperti aku menyayangi Fatin??..
atau kekecewaan yang akan menanti diriku??..

AnaK KeciL

2008-09-08T16:46:00.003+08:00

finally,
my own post..
i don't know why..
why i'm picking up my old bad habits..
- smoke
- back home late
- pub
- soon to be drinking and *****..

i don't have the answer..
iLa, Sayang, ESD,
read my parts for you..
ikhlas dari hati..

untuk iLa:
abie mintak maaf orang hilangkan diri..
dia tau abie tak suke buat ni sume..
tapi abie terpaksa..
kita hanya kawan..
tapi kita terlanjur jauh..
abie tak pena cakap abie sayang dia..
walaupun dalam gurauan..
tapi abie selalu bilang sume abie sayang dia..
abie tak nak dia duduk tunggu abie..
jadi macam dulu..
cari kawan..
abie janji abie tetap ngan dia..
tapi abie akan lepaskan dia bila dia dapat lelaki yang betol2 baik..
dia tau abie da lama tinggalkan masa silam abie..
tapi bila dia muncul,
abie terasa nak macam dulu..
abie harap dia paham maksod abie..
jaga diri..

untuk Sayang:
awak da de yang baru..
biarlah saya undur diri..
saya harap awak bahagia..
macam awak cakap..
awak tak selamanya dgn saya..
even i've keeping saying i'm afraid of losing you..
there's no point..
you will walk off one day..
apa apa pon terjadi,
Saya Sayang Awak

untuk E S D:
awak,
mula awak muncul dalam hidop saya,
saya cuma nak usik-usik awak jek..
tapi hari demi hari,
hati terasa sayang..
bila kita keluar,
senyuman awak cukop manis..
you're my sweet lady..
untuk sekarang,
awak adalah alasan untuk saya terus senyum..
tapi,
sampai bila ia akan bertaha.n??..
apakah akan terjadi kalau awak tau kisah dulu saya??..
atau pun jalan sebenar kisah hidup saya??..
saya tak setanding awak..
awak jauh lebih hebat dari saya..
hanya satu saya harap..
biarlah senyum ini terus terukir oleh awak..

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-28T22:15:00.003+08:00

biE . . .
yOu ForCe mE tO dO tHiS biE ! ! !
mY caLL, my sMs-eS,
nO rEpLy . . .
yOu MakE ALONG wAiT foR yOu,
aFteR 2 sTupiD houRs,
yOu saiD yOu'Re dowN wiTh soMetHinG eLsE ! ! !
i KnoW yOu GoiNG tO BLUST ! ! !
I DON'T CARE biE ! ! !
I WanT yOu tO caLL mE ! ! !
biE ! ! !
foR OncE BE REASONABLE caN yOu ? ? ? ! ! !
aNd i doN'T knOw iF i caN evEr TRUST yOuR reAsoN ! ! !
abiE peNtinGkAn DiRi abiE SenDiRi ! ! !
abiE nAnAk PeNa TaHu aPa iLa PeNdaM ! ! !
abiE KejAm ! ! ! ! ! !

-> iLa <-

2008-08-23T12:05:00.002+08:00

this shows that i'm not a good blogger can??..
ahaha..
this is my only 100th post after almost a year having this blog..
muahahahahaaa..

yesterday..
injured my ankle while playing soccer..
ah shit!!
hate it..
next week attachment with this swollen leg..
then my sweetie pie help me by placing ice pack..
love those moment..
when both eyes got caught,
something happen....
something that make me totally confuse now....
aaahhh..
should i just drag myself back??..
FUCK AH!!
hate this feeling!!

then back home bring mum and family except dad
to see fireworks..
got free 6 tickets..
dad can't follow cause he's working..
had fun seeing mum smile
and she keep saying she love it..
alhamdulillah..
1st time i saw those happy face since awhile..
i love mum..
no word can specifically state how much i love her..

sayang..i'm sorry..i can't tell u at what state i am now..i wish u could understand..i'm confuse myself..for whatever had happen and what going to happen, i'm trying to be myself..when the time comes, i will make decision and i will tell u where i'm standing..i just hope that i can take those words, i said to u, back..cause i can never be w/o u..

and now,
three people keep playing around my mine..
i can't think clear now..
go straight,
or take steps back??..

haizzzzz..

ciaozzzz..

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-21T21:16:00.002+08:00

i don't know why..
why i kept thinking about my past..
seriously being there is the nicest thing ever..
feel love..
no hurts..
aaaahhhh..
nice feeling..

now that i have 2 people that love me..
and i would like to love them the same too..
but it's impossible..
serious talking..
if i do,
i will take steps back to my past..
and i have to let my Sayang off..
let her go..
no..never i will want that to happen..
but if my love start to build for them is more from my love to her,
then i promise,
i'll let her go..
anyway she found someone new..
will walk off out of her life soon..
not walk off la..run off....
wish her all the best..
may both stay happy together..

stop talking about her..
now talk about these two people
that show their love to me w/o me asking..
one of them i get to know during new year..
second just 4 months ago coming 5 in 2days time..
seriously they are sooo sweet..
sweeter than sugar,
sweeter than honey..

ok..now i wanna talk about just someone..
in MALAY!!
orite..
ini budak sama lecture hall ngn saya..
dia ni bukan dua2 budak yang saya bobalkan pat atas..
dia manis ah budak nye..
baik hati..
slalu buat saya senyum..
manja dia pon bole tahan terok..
adoi....
cair dok saya..
tapi saya baru rapat dengan dia..
jadi biar la kawan-kawan jek dulu..
mana tau..
jadi kawan rapat lepas tu..
adooiii..
jadi sekarang bukan dua insan tapi tiga..
jadi mana nak pilih??..
semua saya buat kawan jek..
ciaozzzz....

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-18T02:26:00.003+08:00

hahaha..
later on will be my adult nursing..
it's a paper that is the combination of bio + pathology + pharmaco + nursing skill..
whatever it is,
i don't have confidence for this paper..

i would like to share something..
there's this someone..
well i should say one is a nice person..
and one is the reason of every of my smile..
no one knows about this person expect for a friend..
even we are yet to be close,
i just feel good even with just sms-ing..
seriously..
no kidding..
well..
it's normal to have the 1st thought of someone at 1st w/o knowing them..
so iguess two of us get the wrong intention about each other..
well..
we went out..
hmmmm..
both blurr..
no sense of direction..
i'm not the kind of person who always go out ok..
but i do go to ECP, WCP, Sembawang Park..
the same goes with that someone..
1st outing to Singapore Flyer..
we took at 1400hr flight..
how nice is that!!!!
no no no no..
super not nice..
nothing to see..
lucky enough we got each other to see..
we talk..
about school, family, and ourselves..
both don't like to take photos,
so there's no photo..
peace ah..
people who know me,
sure know how hard to take even a single snap with me..
*there's still no pic taken with my sayang*
well..
out with this someone but my mind is somewhere else..
my mind still keep thinking of my baby n my sayang..
how i wish they are the one beside me..
but if can i want my sayang..
but too bad..
it's this someone..
fear of height and i know nuts..
if only i knew i will never ask one to ride with me..
ouh ya..
we talk about cars..
every single car that i like,
one like it too..
Mazda 3 and Mazda 6..
BMW..
Honda..
ahahaaaa..
every single car pass by we will talk about it..
then we talk about licenses..
I JUST WISH I GOT MY BIKE LICENSE ON THAT DAY!!
too bad......
we had a fun day being blur together..
send one off for class then head to uncle house then ECP alone..
and all this happen on the 16th August 2008..

thanks for reading..
take care..
ciaozzz..
*got to go back to study*

*Ayang, even there's others to make me smile, you're still the reason for my happiness*

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

what should i do now??..
i miss you too much, Ayang..
wish time could stop for us Ayang..
i love you..

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-12T21:25:00.000+08:00

Ayang,
Orang RinduKan Dia

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-09T23:17:00.002+08:00

alhamdulilah....
things goes well today..

happy things is that i make myself proud..
i'm free from saturday training..
can go out la sey!!
and i met new people..

sad things is that NDP is over..
no more laughter on saturday like always..
no more seeing the smiley faces of the cadets..
no more polish boots competition..

WELL, EVERY BEGINNING IS THE STARTING OF AN END..

i guess now it has come to the end..
but its starts of a new friendship..

anyway,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG!!
AND THIS IS MY ONE AN ONLY HOME!!
CHEERS FOR MY SINGAPORE!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-06T22:34:00.002+08:00

my life..
like a puzzle..
thousands and hundreds of pieces..
once in my life i felt there's no need for me to put the puzzle properly,
if they fit side by side,
it's good enough..
den slowly i felt i can't get the picture that i want..
it's all over..
and some of the pieces is gone missing with or without me knowing..
i undo all..
yes all..
decide where to start 1st..
side to middle, top to down, inner to outer..
which is appropriate..
slowly came this young sweet lady..
held her hand infront of me wanting to help..
we join one piece at a time, slowly....
but slowly she's gone..
i try to put it side by side,
nicely and try to make it a correct picture..
but there's someone that came in in sudden and kick it away..
all, every pieces break apart from each other..
yes..
i break down..
i almost give up..
and again decide how to start the puzzle..
can't remember how she help me to start..
she busy with her own life now..
i don't know what should i do..
too many missing pieces..
i can only put the piece that i've seen them together before..
as for the rest,
they remain unattached and stay at their own position..
i don't dare to touch nor shift them..
because i don't want to have more missing pieces..
what i hope now is that she's back beside me guide me with th puzzle..

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-04T23:01:00.002+08:00

at 8pm on 05/08/2008 that is 2mr,
it's my 2nd chance..
i'm hoping for the best..
praying hard things going to be the way i want it to be..
i can never ask for more..
this is the only thing that i want..

"Mummy..you've done so much for me..what i want to do is now to make you proud of me.."

AnaK KeciL

2008-08-03T02:17:00.002+08:00

AAAHHH!!
Kenek lagi aku ngan kau!!
stay awake just to chat with u and HACK!!
i just got a BYE!!
AAAHHH!!
almost giving up to this relationship ah!!
or what u call it friendship....
F U C K U P L A S E Y ! !

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-27T12:05:00.003+08:00

alhamdulila..
i'm back home now..
some will know where i've been,
and some know nuts about what has happen..
life is ok now..
going to atok's place later on..
today's his birthday..
he's 70 now..
alhamdulila....
and he is in good health..
love him....a

no training yesterday..
so slack all the way....
but i did go for 2hrs jog..
alone....
better to that way..
heh..

lately i've spent my time with new friend
and LiL also..
they are such a sweetie..
try their very best to make me smile..
well i do..
thanks....

thanks for reading..
ouh ya "nil"..
thanks for reading almost all my previous post..
AHAA!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-26T18:14:00.006+08:00

kita semakin berjauhan..
jika itu yang kau inginkan,
akan ku turuti tanpa pertanyan..
hati tercalar kepertitan..

i hope we can be like before..
where u're the only one that always make me smiLe

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-24T22:49:00.001+08:00

love this song..
for you..

Aku tanpa cintamu

Telah ku mungkiri janjiku lagi
Walau seribu kali
Ku ulang sendiri
Aku takkan tempuh lagi
Apakah kau terima cintaku lagi
Setelah ku berpaling
Dari pandanganMu
Yang kabur kerna jahilnya aku
Mengapa cintaMu tak pernah hadir
Subur dalam jiwaku
Agarku tetap bahagia
Tanpa cintaku tetaplah Kau di sana
Aku tanpa cintaMu
Bagai layang-layang terputus talinya
Telah ku mungkiri janjiku lagi
Walau seribu kali
Ku ulang sendiri
Aku takkan tempuh lagi
Apakah kau terima cintaku lagi
Setelah ku berpaling
Dari pandanganMu
Yang kabur kerna jahilnya aku
Masihkah ada sekelumit belas
Mengemis kasihMu Tuhan
Untukku berpaut dan bersandar
Aku di sini kan tetap terus mencuba
Untuk beroleh cintaMu
Walau ranjaunya menusuk pedih

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-23T19:35:00.002+08:00

A BITCH WILL ALWAYS BE A BITCH!!
AN IDIOT WILL ALWAYS BE AN IDIOT!!
AN ASSHOLE WILL ALWAYS BE AN ASSHOLE!!

FUCK OFF BITCH!!
OUT OFF MY LIFE!!
YOUR USING ME ASSHOLE!!
DON'T THINK THAT I'M BLIND BY LOVE YA!!

THEY ASK ME TO IGNORE AND IN THE END THEY ARE THE ONE BEEN IGNORE BY ME!!
AND YOU BITCH BEEN LOVE BY ME LIKE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE!!
SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF BITCH!!!!
I HATE YOU!!
SERIOUSLY I HATE YOU!!
YOU'RE USING ME!!
IDIOT!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-20T21:11:00.005+08:00

i've been missing a lot of fun in my life..
i hate myself for this..
commit myself with too much things..
some might not know n some might have known..
i commit myself as CC for NCDCC in NDP..
every Saturday i've to go for training..
i'm a 2nd year student nurse..
now i'm having my attachment for 4 weeks..
1 week have past and now 3 weeks to go..
exam is just week after that..
i'm also a tutor that commit myself to teach on Sunday..
N level is coming in 6 weeks,
i've really need to focus and make sure they know what they are doing..
fun time??
NO FUN time for me..
really hate myself for this..
should not take the position as CC at the 1st place..
mummy keep saying i've no time for her..
well, i guess it's true..
not been talking to her for sometime..
once reach home i'll shower than straight to room n online(but i'm sleeping infront of lappy)
i can't even find time for me to have a nice meal at LJS..
ahaha..
well that's life for me until middle of September..
that's a long time to go....

me and my baby goes well now..
no more quarreling..
just friend ya..
but the love given is too much..

my Sayang is sad..
if only i could always make Sayang smile,
i will..
if only i could, i would..
even it means to be hurt..

that's all that i've to say now..
thanks for reading..

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-15T22:14:00.002+08:00

I HATE YOU!!
I HATE YOU!!
I HATE YOU!!
AND I'LL TRY TO HATE YOU MORE!!
SO I'LL NOT FEEL THE LOVE!!
I HATE YOU!!
YOU TRICK ON MY FEELINGS!!
GIVING ME FALSE HOPE!!
YOU ARE A ***** DO YOU KNOW THAT!!
DON'T COME TO ME ANYMORE!!
CAUSE I'VE HATED YOU!!
DON'T COME TO ME FOR MONEY ANYMORE!!
CAUSE I'M NOT YOUR BANKER!!
DON'T BE AND ASSHOLE AND THINK OF YOURSELF IDIOT!!
I HATE YOU!!

ANAK KECIL

2008-07-13T20:33:00.003+08:00

aLoo..
2mr is the start of the *busy* me
and the *no-time* me..
start with 4weeks of attachment,
follow by 2weeks of exam,
follow by another 3weeks of attachment..
HACK!!
i HATE it!!
but still,
i've got to go tru it....
i'll have no time to be online,
i'll have to time to meet up my sweethearts n friends
and i'll have no time for myself....
these means
iLa will start nagging again..
i've no time to online, therefore will not be able to chat with my Sayang n new friend..
i can't even blog and let out my feelings....
AAAAHHHH!!!!
when will this end??!!
i want to end as early as possible so i can be out with new friend..
i don't know if i could survive for my exam..
after 4weeks of attachment,
my brain will full of things in the ward rather than things that i've studied in school..
who on earth make that schedule man!!
super idiotic la sey!!
haizzz....
i guess that's life for me..

Sayang..i wish we could be just like before..
Let me continue calling u Sayang..
Let me continue saying i love..
Please..never have doubt on me again..

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-09T01:27:00.002+08:00

Know what i should do now??!!
i should study for exam later..
but nah....
i just can't..

haizzz....
mind keep thinking why..
why the distance getting longer..
as promised,
i will not get closer..
but hurting you is not what i want..
n seriously,
i love you....
love you too much Sayang..
how i wish you would read n understand this..
but hack..
i know you won't....
loving u is a mistake....
it's not only because of the hurts..
you know what i meant..
and now being apart from u,
i miss you..
miss you sooo much..
how i wish i could held you in my arms like always..
with you looking into my eyes
and always trying to make me smile..
event times after time i make you freak out,
you will still stand infront of me create joke to see me smile..
Sayang..
we are too busy with our own life i guess..
i've never want you,
cause i've always need you..
i've never like you,
cause i've always love you..
i've never need you to love me back like how i love you,
but I would hate for you to find somebody new
who you really love,
cause it would mean losing you..
my fear in life is to lose you and lead life w/o you..
i sayang u..
n now....
orang rindu dia sangat-sangat....

AnaK KeciL

2008-07-04T22:06:00.004+08:00

i just can't find the reason why i love you so much..
even hurts that i've always gain from you..
i don't know how special you're to me..
i just can't stop thinking of you..
what more stop loving you..
eventhough i know you only find me when you need help,
i just don't care..
i still love you..
talk about the one that you love,
hurt me too..
but i just don't care..
as long as smiles created on ur face,
i'm happy too even it hurts..
there's distance between us now..
i want it to remain like this..
so i will have the chance to slowly walk off from your life totally..
you can always say we are friends..
yes we are..
but when you have the right person to take care of you,
you don't need me anymore..
i just want you to be happy....
and you are happy with the one you love,
i shell walk off..
because you're happy enough without me..
you've always said that you try to understand me but you never can..
it's because you never tried at the first....
if u understand every single word i said to you,
you will understand my deepest feeling towards you..
i've been always saying
"org sayang dia"
"org rindu dia"
"love u Sayang"
"miss u to the max Sayang"
and i dare myself to say them in words when we're on phone..
you never want to understand them..
and there's no reply to those words....
evrytime we decide to meet up..
i can't be too happy..
because i know there's something bad gonna happen..
either before or after the meet up..
so i guess HE have HIS reason why HE stop us from meeting most of the time we plan to..
even it hurts,
i can only pray n hope for the next palnning..
too much hope and most of it turn to hurts..
i'll just let it be and just see how our relationship going to be..
i can't do much now..
both have shown our EGO part..
so i guess i'll just let flow leads the way......
"I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love, cause it would mean losing you"

AnaK KeciL

2008-06-22T19:50:00.007+08:00

"Why Are We Still Friends"

We do almost everything that lovers do
And that's why it's hard, just to be friends with you
Every time your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know that it hurts me too
It's hard to wipe your tears away (tears away)
Knowing that you should be with me
Now tell me why

[CHORUS:]

Why -- why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why every time I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends (Just Being Friends)

I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love, cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool girl not to say
If I'm always scared I'll lose you anyway
Somehow somewhere I've got to choose (got to choose)
No matter if it's win or lose
Now tell me why

[CHORUS]

I don't wanna be like your brother
I don't wanna be your best friend
I only wanna be your lover
When will this end
If I told you that I wanna be in your life
Then you could be the woman in mine

[CHORUS x2]

2008-06-22T13:36:00.003+08:00

i hate it when my tears keep rolling down....
i can never face reality..
it's too hurtful..
where's the one promise to be by me all the time??
where's the one who say i can never be alone??
can i just have someone that really understands me??
i've tried to find but can never be found..
only have Sayang to love..
but i guess it's time to let go..
like what sayang say,
one day she gonna go off somewhrere to lead better life..
so i guess my fear of loosing her is coming..
FEAR!!
i just need someone to understand my feelings..
where i can let out all my probs without thinking one going to leave me..
i just can't find this particular person..
and i don't want to be hurt..
n yes loving Sayang is a hurtful thing..
i've to walk off everytime when Sayang have someone special....
and i'm the only one who always contact her..
i know i'm no one special in her life..
but loving her is all i want to..
this sounds crazy..
but i always living in fear of loosing her..
some will read n laugh....
i don't care..
and yes it's Her..
who cares..
what i know i really love this Lady....
but i am sure i've to let go....
or maybe i just have to run away in silence....
she won't know anyway....
even it hurts,
for her happiness,
i shell walk off..
i mean run away....
i'll do my best..
i'll see how far i can go..
i do everything to make myself busy....
i will..
no matter what..
i've to go off....
*praying hard she won't read this*

AnaK KeciL

2008-06-19T21:02:00.002+08:00

orite..
insyaAllah 2mr is the day i'm going meet up with Sayang..
praying hard it happens..
if pics taken,
maybe i'll post la hor..
cause someone seems have the thinking that i'm telling lies..
hmMmm..
can't figure out who this "nil" is..
i guess i never hurt anyone feelings so far??..
the people that close to me knows who the person is....
so i guess this "nil" is no one??????
never mind....

AnaK KeciL

2008-06-18T20:38:00.002+08:00

i just don't know why..
why the heLL i love you so much..
even it hurts i just can't stop loving you..
no matter how much i say i want to forget you,
you're still in my heart n my mind jus can't stop thinking of you..
even it feels like heLL when i'm hurt by you,
throw my anger towards you,
i'm the one who feel guilty....
i just don't understand why..
can you give me the answer??!!
there's too much of you in my life....
almost every movement of mine,
it's always you that i think of..
and i'm too weak..
too weak to teLL you how much hurts you've gave me..
too weak to stop thinking of you..
too weak to admit that you're never mine....
for aLL this,
i can only say one thing..
only one thing....
I'm afraid of loosing you....
i just want to be with you until the end of time..
i tried replace you with others..
but they anit like you..
not even one of them make me smile like you do..
and i've been always saying
"i love you"
"i miss you"
it's just because i'm afraid of loosing you....
and i want all to know..
I LOVE YOU

AnaK KeciL

2008-06-16T20:36:00.003+08:00

SAYANG, IT HURTS ALOT!!
DON'T EVER PUT HOPES FOR ME EVER AGAIN!!
PLEASE....ENOUGH OF THIS KIND OF HURTS!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-06-10T16:15:00.004+08:00

bored..
i'm totally bored..
run in the morning and after then till
now i've been doing nothing..
keeping thinking of the one..
hoping everything gonna be fine
and one back on feet and smiling again..
even it hurts when stories been told,
making sure one is happy,
it is more then enough..
i'm moving on my journey of life..
can't find the happiness that i really wanted..
only one had ever gave me the nicest memory..
and now the memories keep playing at the back of my mind..
every smiles,
every laughter,
everytime one in my arms,
is just the nicest memory ever..
but when ever i think of it,
tears in my eyes start to flash down..
how i wish the memory can be reality again..
having one in my arm,
seeing one's smlie,
hearing one's laughter..
things can never be the same now..
no point of keep saying i miss,
because there's not going to be another meeting..
no point of keep saying i love,
because there's no more me..
sometimes i feel like just putting one in the past..
but it can never happen..
because there is too much love..
too much love until i'm ready to be hurt..
blank mind now..
i'm going tru this alone now....
finding the true me..
finding the way to lead my life..
kind of fuck up sometimes..
but that is life....
i'll keep finding and looking for my happiness..

Sayang..
andai kau tahu isi hati ini..
aku tak mampu lepaskan kau pergi..
walau kaki terus melangkah pergi..
aku tetap toleh ketepi..
aku sayangkan dirimu..

AnaK KeciL

2008-06-08T16:04:00.003+08:00

hi..
sorry its been a week i've never update my blog..
busy with school ah..
nothing to update..
because life i just as normal..
hurts after hurts..
i just don't know why you keep coming back..
can you just go??????

i love this song..
it suits my life..
i guess i'm always be fool by
people that i really love..
maybe they are right..
i'm easily to be fooled because i love you too much..

it's a malay song....

Hitam Manisan - Olan

Jika ku tahu
Diriku hanya sandaranmu
Tak akan ku curah
Segala cintaku padamu

Mengapa sejak dahulu
Kau tidak berterus terang
Bahawa aku hanyalah
Tempat persinggahanmu

Sudah menjadi lumrah
Ada insan lupa daratan
Waktu kau kesusahan
Akulah tempat engkau mengadu
Tapi apabila kau senang
Mudanya kau berubah hati
Dan kau bersuka ria
Dengan orang yang lain

Waktu susah kau cari aku
Waktu senang engkau tinggalkan aku
Bergitulah sikapmu
Yang tak tahu kenang budi

Waktu duka akulah teman
Waktu perlu akulah kekasihmu
Tapi selepas itu mangapa kau khianati

Apa gunanya dikenang-kenang
Pada orang yang tak menghargai
Segala pengorbanan diriku
Akhirnya aku terluka

Aku hanya bersabar
Sambil dalam hatiku bertanya
Bahagiakah engkau
Membiarkan ku terkilan rasa
Sesungguhnya dirimu adalah
Manusia yang lupa daratan
Dengan mudah kau mungkiri
Segalah janjimu

Waktu susah kau cari aku
Waktu senang engkau tinggalkan aku
Bergitulah sikapmu
Yang tak tahu kenang budi

Waktu duka akulah teman
Waktu perlu akulah kekasihmu
Tapi selepas itu mangapa kau khianati

Apa gunanya dikenang-kenang
Pada orang yang tak menghargai
Segala pengorbanan diriku
Akhirnya aku terluka

Aku hanya bersabar
Sambil dalam hatiku bertanya
Bahagiakah engkau
Membiarkan ku terkilan rasa

Sesungguhnya dirimu adalah
Manusia yang lupa daratan
Dengan mudah kau mungkiri
Segalah janjimu

Dahulu aku sering hiburkan
Hatimu sayang
Dan mengapa balasan mu kini
Menyakiti hati ku

AnaK KeciL

Kini aku yang pergi

2008-05-28T04:31:00.002+08:00

Setapak demi setapak aku undurkan diri..
Tanpa kau sedari aku bertindak bergini..
Tapi kini aku terus ambil langkah untuk pergi..
Walau hati katakan tidak pendirian tetap penjati diri..

Aku bertanya pada batin diri,
Mengapa sukar melapaskan kau pergi..
Ia hanya mampu berkata kerana kau berada dilubuk hati..
Hati sudah lama menyayangi dan tak mampu melupai..

Hanya kata-kata indah dan kenangan mampu menemani..
Walau hati ini belum sedia untuk pergi,
Kaki terus melangkah jauh dari sisi..
Adakah tindakkan ini mengikut emosi??

Kini memperhatikanmu dari jauh sudah mencukupi..
Kebahagian yang kau miliki kini,
Amat aku syukuri..
Sentiasa ukirkan senyumanmu bidadari..

Ia telah terbukti..
Dirimu mampu bahagia tanpa aku di sisi..
Aku tetap di sini..
Bila kau ingin aku di sisi..

kau akan aku tetap sayang bagai dulu..
sedikit pun tidak akan pudar sayangku padamu..
sentiasa senyumlah Sayang..

AnaK KeciL

2008-05-25T21:01:00.004+08:00

i guess that is it..
no more hope..
no more you..

i wanna stay happy..
and be who i am..
i'm just too tired..
keep having mix feeling eveytime..
i've to stop it..

so i guess you just stay happy orite..
you're happier without me i guess..
be with the one you love..

i guess i'm gonna make my move now..
i've took my 1st step to stop calling u sayang..
so i guess i've to move on..

i hope you understand why i make this move..
do msg/call me up when u need me..
i promise i'll be there..
insyaAllah..

stay happy babe..
take care....

AnaK KeciL

2008-05-21T23:25:00.004+08:00

muahahahaaa....
now, all is black and white....
no other colours....
that is how i define my feelings now..
i just can't feel free..
no colours in life for now..
even baby's back in life,
but the one that i really love is just there
and not knowing i'm deeply in love....

i'm slowly walking off from every single one of
my friends that in relationship/dating..
i guess it's just me....
i just don't want things to happen again..
nevermind....
i'm happy if people around me is happy..
i guess that is my happiness for now..

nothing much to update..
guess too stress in school..
peace....

we're too far now....let me walk off without saying goodbye....

AnaK KeciL

2008-05-18T09:34:00.002+08:00

aLoo all..

life been good for now..
but i guess i screwed my life..
too many things to handel now..
i'm in 2nd year now..
school is more stressful....
exam will be just the week after attachment..
and attachment is 4weeks..
my mind will be blank by then....
so i guess that i've to start studying now..
i try my best to study as and when i've free time..
i've to pass this semester..

hmMmm..
personal life....
it's ok now..
my baby is back..
so i guess spend more time with my baby..
my dear n sayang,
chat with them when i miss them??..
guess so....
my darling,
is no where to be found..
busy i guess..
and something for sure now..
i'm loving someone deeply....

can i say something here to a guy that i used to love or maybe still love??..
"when ever you say ' i love you ' i'll pretend not to hear..cause i know there's someone out there is much better for you..i'm sorry..don't hate me cause of that..and for your info, there is still love for u in my heart..but not for now...."

AnaK KeciL

2008-05-15T14:54:00.002+08:00

weekend is coming....
i'm scared....
i don't want to hear anymore death....
please ALLAH....
i'm tired....
i just need my rest....

2mr is friday....
another feast at grandpa's place..
on saturday,
tuition for mum's fwen's son....

i just don't when can i have my complete rest..

we are just too far now..u don't need me..coz u're happy enough now..

AnaK KeciL

2008-05-12T09:16:00.002+08:00

it's 9.22am now..
it's monday..
it's not a good start for me to start a day by misplacing my hp and go to school without it..
not holding to my hp since i reached home yesterday, its about 5pm..

saturday..
woke up at 5.15am....
woke up by mum with a bad news..
my so called "uncle" has passed away....
there's too many death i heard for now..
they are people that link to me in anyways....
i just pray hard my ALLAH bless their soul n put them in the nicest place in heaven..

saturday at 11.00pm..
went to west coast park..
as planned with siblings,
we're going to celebrate mums' day there..
dad brought mum to the sea side me n siblings ride our car n went to buy food..
then back to WCP and i went to get muffin for mum at Mac-Cafe..
straight to sea side after that....
we ate our food n when the clock strikes 12am,
dad wish mum happy mums' day and we gave her the gifts that we bought for her..
sitting infront of her and holding on to d muffin,
waiting for her to turn infront..
when she did,
i saw tears in her eyes......
i just love my mum......
and only her the queen of my heart..

sunday..
woke up at 6am..
when to geylang market..
buy stuffs for kenduri today..
trip after trip from market to carpark..
too many stuffs....
after that,
back home....
change my pants and i'm out again....
send dad n bro to enrolment....
they are just so cute......
then head home....
getting ready to go to uncle's house....
for some gathering....
so we went there....
IMM is th next place we go..
get grandma a wrist watch....
she's wearing a watch that cannot be use,
that is spoilt!!
then continue shopping for today's feast..
head to grandpa's place to give grandma's gift....
and i saw tears in her eyes....
and only to her i can lodge love as grandma-grandchild....
even she's only step-grandma, but still love her....
HOME!!
that's where we go after that....
i slept for 2hours then mum woke me up..
force me to do some house work....
and i've got no time to do school work....
i'm tired!!!!

today..
school's end at 8pm....
and i've to go to grandpa's place for the feast....
how am i going to do my school work????!!!!

and now..we are too far..that's what i want....

AnaK KeciL

2008-05-04T15:17:00.002+08:00

ALLAH....

too many people that i've known is up there with YOU..
place them with at the most nicest place in heaven..
only to YOU i pray my hopes..

to ALL people out there,
i'm sorry for every mistake i've done this few days..
i'm sorry for my unexplain mood..
i'm sorry for the changes in me..

life been unfair for me this few months..
unexplain things happen..
one happy moment will change in a spilt second..
i'm confuse..

putting up happy face..
that's what people want to see from me..
mixed feelings......
i don't know which i should show..

i want to let go my past..
but i just can't..
they make me feel the love..
they make me love....

and now,
i really fall for u..
i don't dare to let it out..
cause we are near yet so far..

i need u to make me smile..
i need u to make me fresh..
i need u to be my side, darling..
now i need u to let me let out my feelings..
i love you, darling..

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-28T01:13:00.008+08:00

LETS STOP IT HERE....
NO MORE ME IN UR LIFE NOR U IN MINE..
I'VE LOVING U FOR 5++ YEARS AND
I GOT SHIT OUT OF IT!!

This Song Is For You--> Chris Brown - Say Goodbye
**read the red part will do

(VERSE 1)
Baby come here and sit down,
let's talk I got a lot to say so
I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know,
this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

(HOOK)
How do you let it go when you,
You just don't know what's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'm do the best I can to get you to understand
Cause' i know

(CHORUS)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
(whoa)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

(VERSE 2)
Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times got
Myself asking , why, why
Why am I taking so long to say this
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

(HOOK)

(CHORUS)

(BRIDGE)
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it I,
I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh (Do you hear me crying?)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh (oh, oh)
Ooh, ooh (There's never a right...)
Ooh, ooh

(CHORUS)

(CHORUS)

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-26T15:03:00.003+08:00

SOMETIMES I REALLY HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS!!
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU!!
AND NOW,
YOU ARE NO MORE NEAR ME..
SHOULD I JUST WALK OFF??!!
BECAUSE I KNOW I SHOULD ONE DAY!!
I CAN'T THINK NOW..
I LOVE YOU..
BUT YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND....

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-25T21:32:00.005+08:00

Story for today....

1st part of the day
in school..class starts at 9am..reach 8.45am..
early for the 1st time for the 2weeks....
took my BGC test..i pass..thank GOD for this..
i never study nor read thru,i manage to pass..

2nd part of the day
rush to Boon Lay interchange..
Tot that i'm going to be late..
but hack....
fwen come 25mins late..
while waiting, saw sec sch fwen....
wanna know what she said??....
"hey..from HKSS rite??u become more chubby ah...."
ok..fine..i'm gain weight like 5kg from sec4 till now ok old fwen..
den fwen came..
change to NCDCC uniform at interchange ladies..
and WTH!!
i never enter the ladies,no1 come to inspect the ladies..
n when i'm changing ppl strt knocking n ask me to get out of the ladies..
NVM!!
there's toilet in HTA for me to tie my hair!!
hahahaha

3rd part of the day
on the bus to HTA(172)..
hack..
got nothing to do..
me n fwen watch TOM & JERRY in my hp..
hahahaha
the boys behind us join in watching n laughing....
when we reach HTA,
where did we go??
LADIES!!!!
that's where we hide from the officers..
bad me!!!!
wait for another fwen of us....
wait in the toilet....
take pic here and there....
LAME!!
when he's outside the ladies,
he called us n we when out like we're robberies..

4th part of the day
from 1330hr till 1645hr
we rehers like everybody had their breakfast n lunch..
but hack..only a few had their lunch
n ppl like me never eat breakfast n lunch,
u know what to expect la horr..
hahahaa
i called my ma'am..
asking her if she's coming..
thank GOD she's coming..
atleast i got someone who can change for me my rank..
till it's 1700hr..
that is the time all of the 11 CLT waiting for..
we got our S/CLT rank la sey!!!!!!
SO HAPPY!!
but.....
*mama,abah..i wish u guys were there..putting for me my rank rather then my OC.... :'(

that is all hpn today..

i miss u Sayang..
really miss u..
wish u read this red part..
coz it's just for u..
i love u Sayang....

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-23T22:53:00.004+08:00

after a week of silence..
without any distrubance..
my mind nearly cleared from all the things
that never stop making me crazy and mad..
i've decide for a week more of silence..
respect me if you guys are really my pal..
understand me if you really love me..

after this 2 weeks,
i'm sure about one thing..
changes can be seen this time..
not the way i am,
but the way i behave..
no matter what happen,
i'm still chiLL,
i'm still AnaK KeciL,
i'm still ciL n
i'm still Faizah....

let me have my on space..
let me have my own way..
let me have my own life..
let me have my smile..

i'm sorry for the unanswered call..
i'm sorry for the unreplied sms..
i've my reasons for it..
i just need my own time..

to bro: tanx for topping up my phone so that u can easily get thru me..
to iLa: i'm sori..not now ok sweetie..understand me if u really love me..
to Bob: i've got my own stand..
to all: just a week more....

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-16T14:05:00.006+08:00

AAAAHHHH!!!!
**for all, take note that i'm not gonna use hp for 2weeks..have to clear some shits and clear my mind..give me a call instead..if u msg me,sorry,ur msg will be ignore..

Orang betul-betul sayangkan dia....
Nape dia mesti dia buat orang cam ni....
Nape dia cume cari orang bila dia perlukan orang??..
Nape bila orang perlukan dia pat sisi orang dia tak perna ada??..
Bila orang tanye kalo dia betul-betul sayangkan orang,
dia cakap dia sayang..
Tapi nape dia selalu sakitkan hati orang??....
Memang betul orang takde hak atas dia..
Tapi orang harap sangat dia paham isi hati orang..
Salah orang ke kerana terus mengharap??
Salah orang ke kerana terus menyayangi??
Orang tak minta dia sayang orang macam mana orang sayang dia..
Tapi orang cuma nak dia paham isi hati orang..
Jangan buat orang macam sampah..
Ambil bila perlu,bila da ada yang baru,buang orang pat tepi..
Memang antara dia ngan orang memang mustahil..
Tapi orang tetap terus mengharap..
Pasal dia seorang saja orang sayang..
Walau macam mana sakit hati orang dia buat,
orang diam..
Orang simpan..
Pasal orang sayangkan dia..
Tapi dia tak perna nak kisa....
Dia anggap orang kayu..
Dia piki orang ungkapkan kata sayang suka-suka..

Dia sendiri tau kalau orang ada teman baru,
orang bilang dia..
orang tak pena sembunyikan..
orang terus terang ngan dia..
bila orang cakap orang da mula sayangkan yg lain,
dia pura-pura takde pape..
tapi dari muka dia orang tau yg dia tak suka..
bila orang nak kua ngn teman baru,
dia tanye "iLa??"
orang lupakan perasaan orang pat teman baru tu..
orang tumpukan pat dia jek..
tapi apa dia buat??..
dia cari teman baru,
lupakan orang....
orang tak berani bersuara..
orang diam..
pasal orang sayang dia..
tapi dia tak tau ni sume..

orang tak rasa dia tau orang bobal pasal dia..
orang tak rasa dia baca blog orang..
bia ah....
bia orang ngan perasaan orang jek..
kalo dia tau pon bukan dia amik dulik....
da la....
orang cuma nak cakap yang
orang betul-betul sayangkan dia..

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-13T01:54:00.003+08:00

let me tell u this..
i really don't know what u really want from me..
i give u my love..
i give u my life..
i give u my time..
i give u everything u want....
but do u know how u return those??!!
u FUCK UP my life!!
u BULL SHIT-ING my love!!
u WASTE my time!!
u USED me up!!
that's what u've done to me..
my love,
my life,
my money,
is all wasted....

there's anger in me now!!
there's sadness in me now!!
but do u ever CARE??!!
when u need me,
in a split second i'm with u..
but when the time i want u to be with me,
out with me,
too many excuses..
but for others,
even when u are busy,
u are free..
and i'll be always the one start our conversation
and u will be the one ending it!!
FUCK AH!!

DO REALLY MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY
"SAYANG SAYANG SAYANG JUGAK"??!!
seriously....
it's all bull shit!!!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-09T23:21:00.003+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
FUCK AH!!
IT'S JUST THE WRONG TIMING TO GO
OUT OF SCHOOL THAT MOMENT!!
SHE SAW IT!!
SHE'S ANGRY NOW!!
WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING??!!
HURTING PEOPLE I LOVE??!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Sayang..
i'm sorry k..
i don't want things to be this way..
and i don't even know u are tt near to school..
tot u still in train....
and i jus can't control my anger..
i'm sori to let u see me holding on to tt thingy..
i know i disappoint u..
but try to understand this..
and u know this..
when i'm pissed off i will do anything n everything..
maafkan me k Sayang??..
org sayang dia..

AnaK KeciL

2008-04-02T23:53:00.004+08:00

it is hunting me back....
it just won't want to get off..
the more i want it off,
the more it's coming back..
which wrong step i took now??
i close my eyes thinking about all those time..
but that is the past..

it is been like 3 years not seeing u..
not even a day u're in my mind for that 3 years..
but now......
this moment......
it's like almost everyday i saw u..
that smile from ur face..
that laughter that i always hear..
aaaahhhh!!!!

maybe it is just me..
thinking too much of the past..
but why??!!
why must u be there when there is no more u in me??
why must the past came back to my mind when i saw u??
why am i this weak??
why why why!!!!!!

i want the past to get off my mind..
i'm serious about this..
they don't understand..
they tot i'm still me in the past..
why must they think that way???!!

OH PAST, FOR NOW, CAN U JUST FUCK OFF!!
JUST BE WHERE U SHOULD DON'T COME
TO THE PRESENT NOR FUTURE PLEASE!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-29T01:36:00.003+08:00

hi all..
*sad..moody..hope..

i just hope that u will understand me better..
i'm sad because we quarrel alot..
moody because u never want to understand my moves..

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

saw someone..
someone that use to be a very important person in my life..
aaaahhhh..
again!!!!
MY PAST!!!!
what is wrong with me??!!
seriously....
this few months things just get super complicated..
the more i want to forget,
the more memory came back..
just can't get my mind to stop thinking about all this shits..
i hate my past!!
i really hate every single bad thing that i've done in my past!!
every single move!!
if only i never start that stupid 1 move,
where am i now??
who am i now??
what am i now??
how am i now??
funny huh??!!
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Sayang..i miss u..n i love u..love u soooo much....shop with me??

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

Dengan ikhlas aku katakan,
aku rindu....
aku sayang....

Aku tahu aku katakan rindu,
aku katakan sayang pada semua....

Tetapi yang pasti,
dirimu yang selalu dalam ingatan..

Aku terlalu sayang akan dirimu......

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-24T22:47:00.004+08:00

satu yang pasti..
aku merindui dirimu Sayang..
hanya itu yang aku ingin kau tahu..
aku tersepit dengan kesibukkan aku sendiri..
tiada masa untuk diriku dan juga dirimu..
apa pun terjadi,
aku ingin kau tahu aku menyayangi dirirmu..
teramat menyayangi dirimu..
biar kau jemu dengan kata-kata sayangku..
yang pasti kau tahu aku sayangkan dirimu..
kata-kata sayang dan rindu ikhlas dari hatiku..

*hope 2mr when u're out wf ur darling u eat ur fishball noodle..i'm sorry that i can't bring u out and eat..

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-23T22:43:00.002+08:00

SERIOUSLY!!
WHY NOT YOU JUST FUCK OFF!!
STOP MSGING ME!!
STOP CALLING ME!!
AND STOP SAYING THAT YOU MISS ME!!
IF YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND ME,
YOU WILL STOP ALL THESE SHITS
AND COMFORT ME!!
NOT MAKING ME PISSED OFF!!
FAHAM TAK NUR FADILAH!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-21T13:09:00.003+08:00

Satu Yang Pasti..

Aku Menyayangimu..

Terlalu menyayangimu..

Dan kini aku lemas dalam lautan rindu..

Alangkah indahnya jika kau disisi kini..

Dalam pelukanku..

AAAAHHHH..

Aku tersepit dalam kesibukkanku sendiri..

Yang pasti kita akan bertemu selepas 4 April ini..

ORANG SAYANG DIA

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-17T20:37:00.006+08:00

sorry for the malay post..

bila terbit matahari mula pudar,
aku hanya mampu terkenangkan..
hari-hari bersamamu amat aku hargai..
senyuman yang terukir tak ingin aku lenyapkan..

dalam mimpku,
aku dapat merasa kasih sayangmu,
aaaahhhh....
hangatnya kehadiranmu......
hingga aku terus terbuai dalam tidurku..

tetapi itu semua dalam mimpi..
bila realiti muncul,
aku terpaku diam....
takut kehilanganmu bila kau ketahui isi hatiku..

pejamkan matamu..
rasakan kasih sayangku..
fahamilah diriku ini..
agar kau mengerti isi hatiku..

izinkan aku menyayangi dirimu dalam diam..
izinkan aku ubati rinduku padamu..
izinkan aku memilikimu walau hanya dalam mimpi..
izinkan aku luahkan rasa sayangku padamu..

bila kita bertemu,
aku ingin kau dalam dakapanku..
aku ingin pegang erat tanganmu..
aku ingin kau merasa kasih sayangku..

aku selalu ungkapkan sayang..
aku ucapkan rindu..
itu kata ikhlas dariku..
khas untuk dirimu..

kini aku lemas dalam kerinduan..
kesibukanku memisahkan kita..
alangkah indah jika kau disiku..
melihat dirimu sudah mencukupi saat ini..

there's too much love for u in me..
i know that should not be the way..
but let me keep this feeling..
be by ur side and loving u in silence..
when we meet up,
there's things that i want to let u know..
i know there's words that i said hurt u,
u don't show it but ur words do..

ORANG SAYANG DIA

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-15T23:44:00.004+08:00

Hi..

*Lets talk about life again..

Hmmm..

Looks life my post(s) really confuse people..

Sorry la horr..

If you understand my complicated life,

You will understand every post that i've posted..

And if u don't,

I'm sorry..

To make you understand my complicated life,

I've to tell everything about my past..

Which is hard for you to understand..

But if you really want to know about me,

You have to get ready to make decision

To consider me as my past or what i am now..

Never mind that..

Life Life Life Life Life

What you think about Life??

Mine = Complicated

I myself don't even know what actually i want,

How the hell i got trap to this kind of situation??

Why am i behaving this way??

When will people really believe that i've change??

Should i continue to love my Sayang as someone really special????

Or what so ever question that i can't get any answer....

Can someone enter my life and make everything normal??

Some did share about the thoughts and feelings about

Life when i ask them to define life their own way..

* For me Life never has a fix definition *

Agree??

Define Life your own way and share it with me..

I define Life as Complicated..

* People define things from their own perspective and experience *

Agree??

And i define Life as Complicated

Because my Life is complicated..

Alright..

Too much Complication,

Make me my Life more twisted..

Muahahaha..

Thanks for reading all..

Ciaozzz..

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-13T20:17:00.003+08:00

hi..
*blank and lonely....

leaving you..
that is the only thing that i think on that moment..
never think on how you going to feel..
and how i'm going to be..

lonely..
that is the only feeling i have right now..
kept thinking on how happy i am when i'm with you..
and how you always create smiles on me..

how i wish i never get to know you..
so i will never hurt you..
and how i wish things never happen between us..
so i will never have the thought to love you..

i miss the way you touch my lips..
i miss the way you called me..
i miss the way you hold me..
i miss you....

yes....
i miss you....
i miss you so much....
i just miss the time we spent....

i've decide we go saperate way..
that is the best for you and me..
no point of us enjoying happy moment now,
and move saperate way when time comes....

when i listen and read thelyrics to the songs
that we used to listen together,
i can feel how much hope you put on me..
i'm sorry to break all that..

i know how much hurts i given to you..
i just want you to know..
you are special in my heart..
it is just not right for us to be together..

i am not in my past to have you as my love..
and i'm not here to be hate by you..
i just want you to know..
you are here deep inside my heart..

going separate way is the best for now..
it is hard for you and me now..
but i'm sure we will get through it..
when times come,
i will be gone from your heart,
but one think for sure,
you will still be here sitting at your place in my heart..

i'm sorry for all the shits..
i'm sorry for being selfish..
i'm sorry for making this move..
i'm sorry that i appear in your life..
i'm sorry that things happen between us..
i'm sorry that hope start to build..
and i'm sorry to say that i really miss you....

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-11T23:27:00.002+08:00

i'm walking off..
there's no more you and me..
the nights we spent together,
let us make it as memory..

i'm sorry that i appear in your life..
i'm sorry to play with your heart..

i'm sorry for what had happen between us..

i'm sorry to make this move..

you said once that i'm using you..
for this once i'm agree to it..
i'm selfish of using you to forget someone else..
and giving you hope that we will become one..

now that there is no more nights with you,
i wish i could smile like i used to when i'm with you..
now that we've gone to our own seperate way,
i wish you could find the right one..

how i wish i could let everything out of my mind
and let out all my feelings,
so you will know why i made the decision to leave..
even i've say that i've started to love you..

decision have been made..
meetings have ended..
smiling have stop..
memorise will remains..

i'm sorry for all the shits i gave you..
and i want to thank you for the time spent with me..
for all you have done to keep me smiling..
you are someone special to me..

and now,
i can't imagine my life without u in sudden..

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-08T00:36:00.001+08:00

Aku buntu....
Aku tidak mampu berimu jawapan sekarang..
Jika aku memilih untuk kembali kepadamu,
aku akan terus terluka dan kecewa..
Tetapi jika aku terus melangkah pergi,
aku melukakan dirimu dan aku lebih terluka kerana membuatmu terluka..
Apa yang harus aku lakukan??..
Apakah yang harus aku lakukan..
Terus berdiam diri dan merinduimu??..
Atau melayani dirimu seperti yang aku selalu lakukan??..
Sejak detik itu,
aku terus memikirkan tentang apa mahumu sebenarnya..
Kau merasakan setiap langkah keunduranku..
Dan bila aku merasa selesa dengan langkah-langkah itu,
kau menarik diriku....
Aku terus terduduk....
Gamam..........
AAAAHHHH!!!!
BUNTU!!!!
Mengapa dirimu menarik aku kembali??..
Mengapa manjamu mencairkan aku??..
Mengapa dirimu mampu melemahkan aku??..
Mengapa dirimu terlalu bermakna bagiku??..
Mengapa ini harus terjadi dalam hidupku??..
MENGAPA!!!!
AAAAHHHH!!!!
BOSAN!!!!
BUNTU!!!!
JAWAPAN YANG MANA HARUS AKU BERIKAN KEPADAMU??!!
Sesungguhnya aku terlalu lemah......
Fikiran aku terlalu buntu......
Aku tak mampu tangisinya......
Tiga hari lagi....
Aku harus membuat dua keputusan..
Mungkin ini, perkara bodoh bagimu..
Bukan untukku..
Menyakiti dirimu sesuatu yang aku tak inginkan..
Tetapi aku juga tidak mahu merasa kekecewaan....
Dirimu terlalu, terlalu istimewa bagiku....
AAAAHHHH!!
Haruskah aku teruskan langkahku??
Atau harus aku kembali kepadamu??
AKU BUNTU!!!!
BUNTU!! BUNTU!! BUNTU!! BUNTU!! BUNTU!!

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-05T22:31:00.005+08:00

haioooo..
*what should i do

down with flu
down with knee pain
down with "toothache"
down with diarrhoea
that is what happen to me today....

don't mind about that..
now that i'm sick,
i really can't think clear..
feel like just shout out what's in my mind
and what i'm feeling right now....
i'm totally confuse....
there's too many things that people want from me..
and they keep asking me to make more decision..
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

decision!!
decision!!
decision!!
decision!!
decision!!

please no more!!
for now i really can't think clear!!
and if possible i don't want to make any
or reverse any decision now..
i don't want to hurt nor to be hurt..
enough of hurt..
can someone just take my place
and make decision for me??..

i'm weak now..
and my mind can't think clear..
within 6 days i have to make 2 decision..
it's important to them
and it's important to me too..
if i make the wrong step,
either one side will be hurt..

what should i do??..
what decision should i make??..
and now,
what should i think of now??
i want to tears it out..
but i just can't..

if i choose to walk back to you..
i'm going to be hurt..
if i choose to walk off..
you're going to be hurt..

if i choose to act like we use to be,
i'm going to give you more hope..
if i choose to walk off..
both of us going to be hurt..

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

thanks for your time people..

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-04T17:52:00.006+08:00

Hi all..
*hope they read this..

This post is specially for this two people.. it's up to you people to read.. some will understand and some won't.. but i really wish LiL and Sayang read their part.. and i really want to apologize to them for things that i've done and things that have occur..

To LiL:

Firstly i want to apologize to you.. I know things happen between us.. The time when u first hug me, i feel totally irritated and really wish u were not there and we never met before.. I asked u to fuck off from my life cause i never wish u have u in my life.. But when something major happen in my life, when the moment that i'm totally down, u always be by me.. Making sure i start my day and end it with a smile.. Day by day we get closer.. Too close until things happen.. And i really wish u will always stay.. And hope start to build in u.. i'm really sorry to make that hope starts.. i never knew this will occur.. and seriously i never use u.. never once i have that mind set of using u.. u are special in ur own way.. and i know u want to let out what u feel and share ur feelings with others.. but don't make things complicated Sweetie.. and i will never blame u from the punch i that i get from Aman.. i understand the situation.. but Sweetie, its up to u now.. if u think we can continue our friendship, i'm more than happy to be with u.. but if u think u want to go ur own way now, u may.. but as i promise, i will never let u go until u found the right one....

To Sayang:

Sayang.. i can't clear now.. u know things happen in my life now.. and i’m really sorry to make u feel that i’m walking off.. as u know i’m someone who will always lead my life with words that i say.. i'm someone who hold on to my words Sayang.. and i told you before u involve urself in ur relationship, that i will walk off once u have someone.. and the time have come.. i'm walking off Sayang.. u feel it and it hurts u and i hurt me even more.. its never easy Sayang.. never it will.. and now with ur words yesterday, u pulling me back.. asking me not to walk off.. do u know confuse i am that moment??.. the fact that i walk off is that not to have u involve in stupid conflict with ur darling because of me.. i may sound stupid.. but what if ur darling read the msgs that i send to u.. and u know how i msg u.. and if people never read the sender name, people will think differently about that msg.. that's an example Sayang more can happen.. i really can't change my decision now.. i can't think clear.. i will stand where i am now.. i will not walk off nor walking back.. i will give u the answer in a week time.. the day that i'm going to have a date with u.. 11 March 2008.. i'm sorry Sayang.. i Sayang u, more than u can ever imagine..

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-03T12:58:00.004+08:00

alo alo alo..
*i wish not to know you

okok..
guess what i did yesterday....
guess!!
can't??!!
aaaahhhhhhhh..
first time in my entire life,
i slept at 6am and woke up at 5pm..
sleep at 6am is normal for me..
but waking up at 5pm is a big NO NO..
i never like sleeping....
but now,
with just sleeping,
no new problem coming..

but hey!!
after woke up,
i took my shower and out to Didi's place,
and guess what i get........
a stupid punch from a stupid person for a stupid reason!!
AAAHHH!!
HATE IT!!
REALLY HATE IT!!
and my tooth crack now..
my right fifth tooth....
and ouchhh!!
in pain even now!!

and the reason is because.........
never mind....

to you: i wish i never get to know you..and just because of u telling people what had happen between us,and people don't know why it happen,and people tot i'm using u and u never explain to them and i got shit out of it..thanks....and i really wish i never get to know you, cause i know i'm hurting u deep inside ur heart..stop hoping..cause it will never happen..

enough of yesterday..
lets come to today morning story..

said to my friends i want to sleep like i did yesterday..
but hey..
i'm not a sleeping person la sey..
seriously i'm not..
i don't sleep at they same time like normal people do..
but i do awake like normal people..
got it??..
never mind....

mama wake me up at 9 cause sis forget to bring her book to work..
so ask me to meet sis at J.E and give her book..
hmmmm..
sis took her TP in the morning today..
its 3rd of march..
its d 3rd time she took her TP..
and she have to make 3 people happy..
1. MUM
2. DAD
3. Her Boboy

and guess what....
hmmmmm....
haizzzz....
SHE PASSED!!!!
ahahahaha....
CONGRATS TO MY SIS!!
despite of her just got her tummy on op,
she force herself to go for practice and her TP today..

than she call me and ask me to get out of house..
so went to J.E..
ok..
the funniest part here was she forget that she's meeting me..
so she enter the train
and saw me
and she get out the train
and she took her book from me
and she enter the train back..
ahahaha..
can see her smile....

i'm deleting my hp sent msgs..
mark
mark
and mark the msgs that i want to delete..
i have to redo it like more than 6 times..
what the hell..
i can't mark all cause some msg i wanna save..
i have to delete 139 msgs..
and my tumb got cramp..
ahah..
don't know what happen to me that time..
finally i got to mark all 139 msgs in the bus otw home..
ahahaha..

that's what happen in the morning today....
guess i'll will just stay home today..
my knee hurts,
my cheeck hurts,
and lastly my gum n tooth hurts..

that's all for this entery..
really got nothing better to do now..
upload games to home comp so mama can play them..
ahah..
alright..
thanks for reading..
bubye....

AnaK KeciL

2008-03-02T00:44:00.004+08:00

hi all..
*happy + tired + sick = now

alright!!!!
SHS club rules!!!!
thanks to every member that make
"SHS Student Conference" a success!!
all our hard work not been wasted!!
and love working with every single one of you!!
i learn new things along the way..
lots of new things indeed..
and we had our nice lepak session
and mind touching session..
ENJOY!!

after all that,
headed to my own lepak place..
finally meet up with my friends..
had my cup of tea..
then had a good soccer session..
even my knee hurts like "no ending",
have to really force myself..
because i don't like to pamper my pain..
after had my last soccer game,
guess who i just notice was there since don't know when??
ahah!!
my LiL..
once again hug me like nobody bussiness..
how many time do i have to tell u not to do that when i just ended my game??..
and when i'm pissed off, u said that i never want to understand u..
i don't want to talk to u for now..
willl just talk once we meet up later..
ORG TAK NAK GADO NGAN DIA....

after that head home....
aaaahhhhhhh....
home sweet home..
miss home..
ahah..
want to have a good night rest but i'm too restless..
how??
blogging lorr....
really happy what happen yesterday..
1st March 2008....
superb day....
all thanks to SHS club members..
and thanks to areb,
my new nick name is MUTU!!
ahah..

alright2..
that is all..
thanks for your time..

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-27T23:08:00.005+08:00

hi all..
*hoping for the best now..

ever once i said to my friends that i don't care
what will happen to my life and i don't care
about every steps i took in my life..

but for now,
for this moment,
i'm always hope for the best..
even for every little steps that i'm going to take..
i never want to make another mistake now..

i am who i am..
changes is what people want to see in me..
taking that steps make people hate me more..
they ask me to be who i am..
but when i be who i am,
-ve feedback starts to come..

i'm fine with that..
but for now,
i really really hope for the best..

my elder sister..
hope that she will recover soon..
so mum don't have to worry much
and sis don't have to suffer much..
how i wish i could share her pain with me..
my result..
hope that my result will be out good..
even if it's not where i aim it to be,
i am ready..
too many things happen during my exam period..
SHS student conference..
hope everything will go well..
even there will be last mintue changes,
i hope we can deal it well..
attachment..
hope things will go well for attachment..
even i don't know what going to happen for the 1st week,
i will try my best no matter what happen..

and with just hoping,
i gain nothing..
i will pray hard.."YA ALLAH, hanya padaMU aku bermohon"
and i will do my best..

maybe some can see the rudeness in me..
i don't think that i should apologies..
i have my reason of doing that..
and u don't need to know the reason..

and now,
"when i dream at night" by Marc Anthony
become something major in my life..
i love that song..
write in my blog about this song before..
listen to it..
and u still won't understand unless u know what i'm facing..

to you: lets stop it here..i don't want to give any hope to you nor let myself been drag to the past..i'll minimise the time we spent together..i'm sorry..u will always be someone that never stop making me smile..i will never let you go until u found the right one....that is my promise....

that is all babes and dudes..
thanks for your time..

sayang..i miss you, sayang..and i sayang you..always..

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-26T22:19:00.003+08:00

i'm sorry!!
today's post been deleted..
i don't want to hurt my love..
and i'm sorry if i have change..
people do change, Sayang..
like you change me..
that prove people change..
sensitivity to the surrounding make people change..

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-25T10:37:00.002+08:00

aLooooo..
*it ia hard to make people to understand you..

sometimes it is hard to let out your
feelings to people who are close to you..
seriously its hard for me..
let me reason it out..

i'm scared that they misunderstand me..
i'm scared they might leave me..
i'm scared they will laugh at me..

it is not only feelings i'm talking about, here..
but the fact is the problems that i'm facing..
once i shoot out the problems i'm having,
it means my past will be reveal..

so..
which is the best??
keep quite or let out everything??..
for me,
BOTH!!

i don't dare to tell people that i'm close with
my feelings,
my problems
and also what i'm thinking about..
i'm just to scared..
adn seriously to scared..
but i let out all my thoughts and feelings
to people whom i'm not close with..

and to make it clear here,
they understand me..
they never get off my side..
they share theirs with me..

i've said once..
i prefer talking to strangers than someone close with me..
why??
because they will never judge..
if they judge,
they are strangers anyway....

or even talk to a friend..
who is not close enough with me..
that i think and feel that they won't juge me..
and that is what i'm doing right now..
really hope this friend for mine won't judge me..
THANKS CAUSE YOU WANNA HEAR MY PROBLEMS!!

So..
now is school holiday..
holiday for me??
a big NO for u guys..
hahaha..
why??

tones of proposal need to be done..
going back to school for meetings and up coming events..
meeting up some old pal..
and out almost every night to be YOU!!

that is what i'm going to do during the holidays..
ouh ya..
forgot 1 major thing..

ATTACHMENT!!

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
screw up my own life....
but i'm happy with things that i'm gonna do..
the most is the 4th point....
wakakaka....
gonna smile and smile and smile..

anyway..
qoute this words from Friendster Horoscopes
"Too many changes too quickly could bring you right back to where you started."
for my horoscope(25.02.2008)..
agree to it..

orite2..
that all for now..
take care all..
thanks for reading....

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

hi everyone!!
*leading my life w/o any aim now..

wish to live my like like before..
stay happy w/o any hurts or pain..
but can i ever achive it??
do get me wrong..

living like before doesn't mean i'm
going back to my past
and be what i am in the past..
there's things that i like about my
past there's things that i wish i did
not ever happen in my life..

and for now,
i want the happiness that i
ever had in my past..
wish it is hard to gain for now..
i've to try hard..
very very hard for me to
have that happinest back..
but how do i get it??..

i do have someone that
always and never fail
creating smiles on me..
but loving that person is
the last thing i wanna do
in my life for now..
its the thing that dragging me
back to where i am in the past..
i mean the past that i
wish it never hpn..

but the happiness that one
bring to me is the best thing
ever for now..
with her,
i can forget someone that i
deeply love and now i've to let go..
one heal the pain in me..
leading me to a happier life now..
what should i do now??..

finding new friends now..
ready to get hurt again..
i'm reaady for everything now..
but i'm not ready if one leave me..
i don't know how to lead my life
w/o one by me now...

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
i need an answer..

to you: i'm starting to love you..but i will never continue this feeling..

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-20T20:48:00.004+08:00

hi too all..
2mr is my last paper..
last paper yet to study..
will be early to sch 2mr..
with asyiqin's help,
gonna do last min revision..

friday will be class BBQ..
but i don't think i can come..
sis is totally sick and in hosp now..
YA ALLAH..Hanya padaMu aku bermohon....
in the hosp the whole day today..
yes i am tired..
but sis need my time more than i need it for myself..
kak!! I MISS YOU!!

will stop here..
the post below will be For You..
You know who u are..

For You:

this is the only way i can think of to tell you what's in my mind..i really really hope you read this post..

try to understand this for now..not that i'm trying to avoid you after what had happen..been busy with studies and also my elder sis..i will never ever avoid someone that's meaningful in my life even if it hurts..you are someone in my life right now..you make me smile with every of your morning wake up call,Good Morning msgs and also Good Night msgs..yes..it's true that i ever want you to get out off my life..but not now pls..that is the most sickful decision i ever made..and yes i miss u..really really miss you..its been almost a week w/o you by my side after 3weeks by your side almost everyday..and now that i really need you,i can only call you and hear your voice.. i need your help for now..can you just forget that night??..i'm begging you pls..i know it is hard..but pls try and stop talking about it..and not that i used you..i do it because of my love..yes..i start to love you..and yes i did it because of love..but i can't continue that feeling..i have promise myself to stop all these..and i've made the decision on that night..but you still continue it on..i just need someone to make me smile and happy now..and you are always there by me creating smiles on me..not that i want to use you..it's just you're now at the top of my mind..and stop asking me to replace you with my Sayang..that's totally impossible..with the words that i ask Sayang to hold,that's how i lead my life now..don't ever involve my Sayang in our friendship or what ever u call it..i'm begging u pls..for now..don't go....

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-15T00:06:00.003+08:00

aLoo..
*thinking of what gonna happen in my LIFE....

People call me ego..
Hmmm..
Why??
I don't really know..
But let me list out who actually i am..

i'm someone who will always try to hold on to my words..(i say i do)
i'm someone who will do what i think and feel is right..
i'm someone who will always take dares from people as long as it never hurt other people..
i'm someone who like to keep things inside me..
i'm someone whoes tears is dried..
i'm someone who respect others..
i'm someone who will do anything for others even it risk my life..
i'm someone who willing to make people happy even i'm hurt..
i'm someone who get angry easily..
i'm someone who do stupid things..
i'm someone who don't know how to lead life and don't even know what life's about..
i'm someone who will never hate people because nobody is perfect..

that is what i think i am..
maybe because of things that i do or what i am make people say that i'm ego..
hmmm..
yes i am..
so do you..
i don't show my ego-ness if u respect what i am or what i want..

i've been doll-ing around..
people think that i'm kind and they start to step on my head..
asking me to do this and that..
liking me because of what i had and not who i am..
i may be stupid at times and just say "YES"..
but i'm someone who will never repeat the same mistake again..
try me people....

that's all for now..
exam is later..
i'm here updating my blog..
muahahaha....
will end up with malay poetry..

For the one that I used to love deeply..

Kini kau sudah berpunya Sayang..
Kau selalu riang..
Tersenyum walau tanpa sebab..
Itulah dirimu kini..

Aku terpaksa pergi jauh dari dirimu..
Itu peganggan hidupku..
Jika kau perlukan diriku,
aku akan sentiasa disisimu..

Biarlah kini kita berjauhan..
Supaya aku tidak dilukai lebih dalam..
Walau berat mulut ini ingin berkata "Selamat Tinggal",
biarlah setiap tapak ku katakan..

Kini aku sendiri..
Kembali sendiri..
Seperti hari yang sudah-sudah..
Tiada siapa yang aku menyayangi kini..

Walau ianya pahit untuk di lelan,
aku akan tetap teruskan..
Walau luka ini terus berdarah,
aku akan biarkan..

Biarlah yang terjadi aku jadikan peduman..
Biarlah keindah yang kita lalui aku buat kenangan..
Biarlah aku sebergini buat sekarang..
Biarlah aku sendiri tanpa teman..

AnaK KeciL

2008-02-14T00:16:00.004+08:00

hola to aLL..
*bad day today??should say yes and no..

a dear fwen of mine been distrub..
what i do??
NOTHING!!!!!!
what her bf do??????
planning!!!!
of what????
SHITS??!!
he don't even dare to give that gal a msg!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just won't wash my hand orite....

orite..
back home..
clean myself up..
getting ready for my DATE!!
with my LiL..
bought her a rose..
Muahahahaha..
To LiL--> Thanks for the Nasi Goreng and Sausage.. You know what i want to eat yea??..hahaha.. Sorry can't finish them cause ur parents coming back soon and i've to setttle things between us..

after eating with LiL..
serious conversation with her..
sitting on her comfort sofa....
And....................
Muahahahaha....
To LiL--> Let it be the last orite??..i'm begging you don't hate me..i need you to make me smile..

back home..
and hmmmm..
my sweater....
will take it next time..

i guess i made the best decision that i ever made..
turning back is no more an option..
nor replacing people in my life..
let them be where they want to be in my life..
don't need to stress myself up just because of this..

even heard of this song
"When i dream at Night" by Marc Anthony??
i'm just gonna love that song now..
that song help me slove my prob and help me making the best decision..
orite2..till then..
Ciaozzzzzzzz..

AnaK KeciL